Michele talks about ending couples therapy with her boyfriend and the importance of communication in a relationship. She shares her excitement about the Covid vaccine, anxiety about the pandemic ending, and her skeptic view of life returning to “normal.” She tells us that her lockdown experience has been relatively good (really!) in terms of career and growing in her relationship.
Today’s guest is Jedidah, a product marketer, social media strategist, and founder of the podcast HerCanvas, which helps to empower women. Jedidah tells us why she hasn’t sought out therapy herself, and how she loves to dance, especially Cuban salsa dance. She drops wisdom about starting a new activity like yoga or knitting, allowing yourself to be bad at it and accepting imperfection. She talks about parenting daughters and raising them to be independent. The ladies discuss the challenges of launching a podcast, the patience required to be an entrepreneur, and how to make progress on your goals. They discuss Peggy Orenstein’s book Girls & Sex.
Email us! therapyroulette@gmail.com
Follow Therapy Roulette!
Twitter: @TherapyRoulette
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Follow Jedidah!
IG: @gapmuse
Twitter: @gapmuse
Blog: gapmuse.com
Follow Michele Baci!
Twitter: @michelebaci
Theme music by Hannah Fairchild
Twitter: @hannahvsthemany
IG: @hannahvsthemany
Spotify: Hannah Vs. The Many
Michele talks about ending couples therapy with her boyfriend and the importance of communication in a relationship. She shares her excitement about the Covid vaccine, anxiety about the pandemic ending, and her skeptic view of life returning to “normal.” She tells us that her lockdown experience has been relatively good (really!) in terms of career and growing in her relationship.
Today’s guest is Jedidah, a product marketer, social media strategist, and founder of the podcast HerCanvas, which helps to empower women. Jedidah tells us why she hasn’t sought out therapy herself, and how she loves to dance, especially Cuban salsa dance. She drops wisdom about starting a new activity like yoga or knitting, allowing yourself to be bad at it and accepting imperfection. She talks about parenting daughters and raising them to be independent. The ladies discuss the challenges of launching a podcast, the patience required to be an entrepreneur, and how to make progress on your goals. They discuss Peggy Orenstein’s book Girls & Sex.
Email us! therapyroulette@gmail.com
Follow Therapy Roulette!
Twitter: @TherapyRoulette
YouTube channel: Therapy Roulette
Follow Jedidah!
IG: @gapmuse
Twitter: @gapmuse
Blog: gapmuse.com
Follow Michele Baci!
Twitter: @michelebaci
Theme music by Hannah Fairchild
Twitter: @hannahvsthemany
IG: @hannahvsthemany
Spotify: Hannah Vs. The Many
Theme Song 0:05
Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you don’t have problems, then you’re likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist / (Who’s not me)
Michele Baci 0:26
My name is Michele Baci, I am your host. and an update on my life. Because thank you for asking me how I'm doing. I got kicked out of couples therapy. Really, it just ended like we came to the end of our couples therapy. But the therapist didn't like, give us an idea this was happening. She kind of sprung it on us at the start of the session. She said, so this will be your last week. And she was smiling. And, you know, looking at us with anticipatory eyes like what do you think this is your last week? And we were like, okay, okay,
Michele Baci 1:03
that's totally fine.
Michele Baci 1:05
Because we'd never had an idea of how long we were supposed to be working with her. She said she had a program designed, but she never shared, like the outline of the program, she has took a week by week. So I was surprised. And I felt a little thrown to the wolves. Because now I don't have my my therapist guide. And we saw her for like, a month and a half, maybe two months. So it was nice, we got into a groove, weekly zoom sessions. And it really helps us like, we're communicating so much better. And a lot of like language we use would set us off before using more accusatory language, like you always do this, and you never think about me. And now we're using more like I statements saying, I need you to do this for me, I expect you to do this, you know, I feel this way. I i instead of you, you you and that helps a lot. So now we're just living on our own boyfriend and I just living in the world. And I got a couple books after the therapist ditched us. I ordered a few books, once you recommended about trauma, to deal with like our own personal past traumas, working through the baggage that's in our heads affecting a relationship that's, you know, actually, from something else outside their relationship, how to navigate that, and another book by the governments who are the relationship experts. So I'm excited to read this little bit of trauma, a little bit of love, you know, and then that's the recipe for a modern day relationship. I'm really glad we did it. I'm glad I had a friend who was going through couples therapy, and she said it really helped her and her partner. And I think everyone should try it, especially if you're having some disagreements, but it's not like terrible. It's a good mediator, a preventative method before things get past the point of no return where you where you don't know how to come back from them. So it's good to go to couples therapy and therapy in general, when you think there might be a problem or an issue that you could work on. Because if you're saying like, oh, we're not the worst we could be, we're still talking to each other. And we still like each other occasionally, you don't want to get to the point of rock bottom, before you seek out a therapist. That's my advice. So there's been this talk of like, the pandemic
Michele Baci 3:39
waning,
Michele Baci 3:40
kind of going away, because we have, we have good vaccine news on the horizon in the US. Biden said that all adults will have access to the vaccine by summer. So I think the latest he said was June, which is really exciting. Because it's mid March now. I would like a vaccine, please, I would like to not get this virus, hopefully knock it on the wood. And I just want to be able to travel within the next year and be able to see family, maybe friends, I feel so separated from my people. And it's hard like being so far away from your roots and your family. Like you really have to develop more armor and makes make yourself seem like you're strong and you can do your own thing. Because just living across the country really. It places a great amount of distance between me and my family and my friends. So I missed them. I want a vaccine. It's been weird on the internet. And the few people I have been talking to you mostly on zoom. People seem like they have a little bit of hope. Since the vaccine news is promising like people are are having this anxious like is the pandemic over soon. Like, are we returning to real life soon. And I think that's exciting. Like, thank God, it's been a year, we've been in lockdown for a year. But also, it's nerve racking because I don't want to go back to our old lives. And I don't want to go back to our old lives, if there's risk involved, like, I don't want to return to the office, I don't want this expectation that the world will return to normal, because I don't think we're ever going to return to that normal and, you know, COVID is still around, and there's still variance spreading. So I don't want to lose a sense of impending disaster if we're still not 100% safe, like if the, if the latest variate is going to come and wipe us all out, we should be aware of that. So I'm not the most hopeful, I'm much more skeptical. But I am excited if if the vaccine is my future. I don't know I I've had like a pretty good pandemic, I've, I've been lucky enough to work the whole time, I actually ended up getting a better job than the job I started the pandemic with in the fall. So now I'm working like a good full time job and working from home until the pandemic makes it safe to go back into the office. So that's been really good for me. And I moved in with Joseph my boyfriend, and although we had some disagreements, and I found it very stressful to move in, in the middle of a pandemic. Overall, it's sped up like the trajectory of our relationship, but I think it's working out for us. And now we're talking about moving to a bigger place moving into a house.
Michele Baci 6:41
Thank god
Michele Baci 6:42
again, good things are on the horizon. So we'll get out of our tiny ass apartment and move to a house sometime soon. Because that seems like the adult thing to do. That's what all those other adults around me are doing buying houses. Yeah, I'll let you know, updates on that as it proceeds. This week's guest is Judy. She is a product and digital marketer. And she's the founder of her Canvas, a podcast which empowers women, and helps them find the inspiration to live their best lives. I'd like to welcome to the podcast giuditta
Theme Song 7:22
guest interview / a friend for you / strangers whose issues are relatable / guest interview / They're the voice that's new / this person has problems and they don't mind discussing it, but they still need a therapist / (Who’s not me)
Michele Baci 7:37
Welcome back to Therapy Roulette consent to vent. I'm Michele Baci. Your host today I have a guest Jedidah who is a product and digital marketer. She's a content strategic for nonprofits to tackle the needs for women and girls. She's the founder of gap muse dot com, a lifestyle blog and the founder of the podcast Her Canvas, which helps women find inspiration to live their best lives. Jedidah thanks for coming on the podcast. How are you doing?
Jedidah 8:04
I'm doing great. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Of course. Yeah. So thank you for having me for sure.
Michele Baci 8:12
After you gave me the guest spot on her Canvas, I was like, I gotta have her on Therapy Roulette.
Jedidah 8:17
Yes. And that was it was great to have you by the way. And our session, we talked about finances and how to help women gain the confidence to you know, manage their finances, and it's doing really well. We've had quite a few downloads, so I'm pretty happy about it. So thank you for that.
Michele Baci 8:36
I suppose trying to encourage people to like confront their money, learn how to invest don't just like pretend it doesn't exist, you know, figure out what you're doing.
Jedidah 8:45
Yes. It's so important. It really yeah.
Michele Baci 8:48
Yeah. Figure out how to make that money work for you.
Jedidah 8:50
Yeah, make some good money. Who's?
Michele Baci 8:53
So how was your Valentine's Day? Did you do anything? out of the ordinary?
Jedidah 8:57
Um, no, not really. I did what I always do, which is make myself and my family feel good. I'm one of those people that believe that you don't need anybody to make you feel loved. For sure. Like it's nice to have someone make you feel that way. But it can't be like, Oh my gosh, gosh, I'm gonna be miserable because I don't have around.
Michele Baci 9:24
It's not like a solution to it. No, I need a partner now.
Jedidah 9:28
And I want my girls to know that I will. So we we had a lot of sweets.
Michele Baci 9:38
I think I saw something on your Twitter like yes, shots. Yeah,
Jedidah 9:41
yes. I got this guy. You know, it was kind of like one of those impulse purchases. Yeah. I was at the grocery store. And I was picking up that like regular cake, our favorite cake. And I was like, oh my god. It says dessert shots. And I was like, in my mind, I thought, alcohol so I was like, right And then I was like, I have to get these and then I asked the person at the bakery, you know, place do these Yeah, alcohol. And they're like, no, I still got them because the fact that they didn't have alcohol made it so that I could share them with my girls and with my family. So it was raining. Well, they weren't delicious. All they were missing really was a shot.
Michele Baci 10:22
Yeah. You can always you can add that on the side for you.
Jedidah 10:26
You could you could Yeah, that's so funny. What about you? Oh,
Michele Baci 10:29
mine was pretty like, yeah, ordinary. I went for a bike ride with my boyfriend and his his two friends. So we like got outside socialized a little bit. And we're definitely out of shape. So we need to be bike riding. So I think it was good to like, kick that into gear and be like, should be easier. You know?
Jedidah 10:48
Yeah, I know. It's, I like that. I like that. You got to go outdoors and bike.
Michele Baci 10:54
Yeah, I've been trying to be more active because I feel like this lockdown is, you know, it's really depriving me of exercise and endorphins. So I'm like, I need to find that somehow.
Jedidah 11:05
Yeah, I I'm with you. I'm actually planning to go on a walk this afternoon. Because the weather's great out here. So
Michele Baci 11:12
why not? Nice. Yeah, the locks are key to making my lockdown experience better.
Jedidah 11:19
Yeah, that's right. For sure.
Michele Baci 11:21
So I asked all my guests about therapy. And I think you mentioned you haven't done therapy before. So why haven't you done it? And what do you do in your daily life to make it so you don't need therapy? Um,
Jedidah 11:36
I haven't done therapy, because I feel like I haven't gotten to the point where I need it when I feel like I needed it. Well,
Michele Baci 11:45
you don't have leverage.
Jedidah 11:47
Exactly, exactly. But But actually, let me correct that. Because I feel like I haven't gotten to the point where I need to go talk to someone, because I feel like they have different types of therapy. Right? Like there's a therapy where you actually go talk to someone and tell them, you know, what, you know what the issues are, and where you think you need help. And I do I dance, although, with quarantine, there hasn't been a lot of in person dancing. So I do West African and dance, and I do Cuban salsa. And both of those are really like in person things to do, right? Yeah, like the West African dances, we have like drum drummers, and then we have teacher and then we have all of these dancers, really a diverse set of, of dancers, and you really feed off of other people's energy. So for like an hour and a half, you're sweating, you're jumping up and down. And you're really, you know, by the time I leave, I feel like I have cleared my mind. I have cleared myself of all the toxins that I've been collecting. Right? And I usually do it like on Fridays, so and then the salsa, the Cuban salsa is different. I do it up, which is like you dance in a circle. And you have partners, and so that's very, you know, close proximity. So we can't do any of that. So for a whole year, like when quarantine happened COVID happened in one quarantine. I was like, Oh my gosh, my therapy's gone. Yeah. And so I started to do with like, via zoom, like some of my teachers offer the classes. And then I also do like YouTube videos. But it's not the same.
Michele Baci 13:41
Yeah, I've gotten so into the YouTube fitness circuits. I used to go to like yoga classes and really seek out in person fitness classes, and I haven't, I haven't done that at all in quarantine. So
Jedidah 13:53
it's Yeah, so that's been hard. And I have to confess that with my dancing, it's gotten harder and harder to do video.
Unknown Speaker 14:02
Mm hmm. So I
Michele Baci 14:04
really, I never thought about it, like what the energy but it really is like, a room type of thing. Like you won't be in the room with the music and other people.
Jedidah 14:14
And, and I've developed a community, too. I've been dancing for a long time. So I've made a lot of friends. And then a lot of times new people come in, and they say something to be said for meeting new people. And I like to make them feel comfortable and dance along them so that they can feel like hey, you'll get there sometime. You know, at some time, you know? Yeah, we all started there. So that's been hard.
Michele Baci 14:39
But dancing. Dancing is hard. So I assume a new person walks into it kind of self conscious.
Jedidah 14:45
Oh my gosh. So self conscious. And you know when you work, you know when you walk into anything, even a yoga class because I do yoga and and the first time you do it, you're like, oh my gosh. What are these people doing and When am I going to be?
Michele Baci 15:03
And they're all speaking in code with the warrior poses and like this language you don't know.
Jedidah 15:08
I? I'm like, what are they taught warrior pose? What are you supposed to be doing now and then your balances off. But I always go back to something. When I first started dancing, I took a jazz class.
Michele Baci 15:21
I love jazz class. I love jazz dancing, although I am totally an amateur.
Jedidah 15:28
And I I remember the teacher, she was fabulous. I mean, she would make a stretch for half an hour, which for me was like, Oh, my God, why are we stretching? For Yeah. I was really flexible, then this is a long time ago. But she said something she said, anybody who walks into my class, I want you to know that all of these people who you see doing their fancy moves, and you know, looking like diva was that they started just like you nobody is born knowing how to do jazz. Yeah. That's so true. And she said, you're going to feel awkward, you're going to be but feel awkward, because you're trying don't feel awkward because the people around you seem to be doing so well. And for me, that was amazing. Every time I go into a situation, because I try to do to do new classes where I don't know what I'm doing just so that I can get that uncomfortable feeling. And I think it's really good for the brain. It is. And I always remember that, that thing that she said, and it's really helpful.
Michele Baci 16:34
That's a great teacher to really set the tone like, hey, you're all terrible. We're all on page one. You know, we'll be awkward together. And if you stick with it, you could be a great dancer.
Jedidah 16:47
Yeah. And that's what I tell like, when I see new people, like, I give you a story. This one guy, he started doing ourselves a class. And oh my gosh, he was so nervous. He used to shape like, you know, when you're dancing, he would be like, I could feel like the nerves. And and I always used to say to him, I always say don't don't worry about it. Keep coming. Just keep coming. You'll notice that every time you come you get better every time you come you start understanding Spanish was my teacher as a Cuban and they call out the dances in Cuban and I'm like, I don't speak Spanish. But after a while, you just pick it up. You should see him today. He's actually he's actually a benefit of salsa dancer The night is that? Yes. He got so good. He kept coming. He stopped shaking. He's added a little bit of funk to his movement. It's just amazing.
Michele Baci 17:47
That's impressive. And it it shows you like if you're a good student, and he just persists you keep showing up.
Jedidah 17:54
You don't know what could happen. No, you don't know. And, and so yeah. So that so dancing, yoga, hiking, I do a lot of hiking. I love hiking, okay, I'm lying. Not a lot. When I can
Michele Baci 18:10
you hikes before you will.
Jedidah 18:12
Yeah, I try to do my goal is once a month, because I'm really, I
Michele Baci 18:18
would say that's a lot.
Jedidah 18:19
Um, and or at least two to three times a quarter. So that's my goal, but I don't beat up, beat myself up. If I don't do it. As long as I'm walking, you know, going out for a walk, then I'm like, it's all good.
Michele Baci 18:35
Do you go hiking by yourself? Or do you go with a group?
Jedidah 18:38
Um, I do all of it. I, sometimes I go by myself, because I just want to be by myself. Yeah, I enjoy my company, my own company. And sometimes I just want that solace and to be in my, in my space and in myself. And then sometimes I go with family, like, I'll go with my girls. They love to hike.
Michele Baci 18:59
And how old are your daughters?
Jedidah 19:01
Oh, my gosh, I can't believe this. They're going so fast. I have a 17 year old. I'm a woman, a young woman in the house. And I have an 11 year old.
Michele Baci 19:11
So I was keeping very, very busy.
Jedidah 19:14
super busy. But you know, I have to say, I've always, you know, when I as a parent, I've always thought I'm raising adults. Right? I want them to be self sufficient. So they're very good at helping out I mean, the kid so a lot of times sometimes I have to nudge a little bit like a Yeah, should do this. But I say Oh, overall, I'm, I'm busy because there's so much you have to do when you have kids just to make sure that their lives are comfortable. But I as a woman, one of the things that is so important to me and that I advocate advocate for other women and girls is that you should never lose yourself. Because we tend to do that, right? Like once you become a mom, yes. When you have a boyfriend when you get married, it's like, Oh, my God. Hello.
Unknown Speaker 20:11
You know,
Michele Baci 20:12
yeah, sometimes, like, depending on who you're hanging out with, what path you're on, you might kind of get caught up in it.
Jedidah 20:19
Yeah. And then, you know, as women especially, oh, god, that's right, miss you. It's true.
Michele Baci 20:30
I heard that from people in bad relationships, like, once they get out of the bad relationships, like, Oh, we have our friend back, you know,
Jedidah 20:37
right. And a lot of times, it's like, you ask yourself, who am I? And what did I used to love to do? Because before you met someone, before you were a mom, before, you're all of those roles that women play, you, will you and you had things that you'd like to do so. But a lot of times you get the pushback, sometimes people say, but waste of time. And I always say, you can find the minutes to think about you, and what you like to do. And you have to, you need to train the people around you to even your own children, to give you that space, to be able to say, hey, for an hour, today, I'm going to be talking to Michelle, but on this podcast, I'm so excited. So don't come in. And you know, I'm going to be like doing this because this is what I love to do. And my girls know that I love to advocate for women and girls, and that that's my passion. And so they afford me that space, and so on. So we're done. Once I'm done, I give them my full attention like you have, because I know one day they're gonna leave and then what what am I gonna do with my life?
Michele Baci 21:50
Yeah, especially like we're recording on a Saturday. So I feel like weekends, living with your daughters. It's probably like, you know, all about them kind of on the weekend.
Jedidah 21:59
And you have to, and, and, and if you train them to think that it's all about them all the time. And that's it. That's what they do. And then when they go out on their own, that's what they're gonna think that once you become a mom, you have to give up everything about you. You know, so I try and children do what you do, not what you tell them to do. Right? You're setting an example exactly, they don't think so. Your kids are not going to exercise because you told them to exercise or go on a hike to go on a hike if you don't go on a hike, or gonna go if you don't exercise another exercise, you know, so
Michele Baci 22:39
be a hypocrite like you.
Jedidah 22:43
Yes, by example, you have to I mean, and so I, you know, so I carve out time for myself to do the things that I love to do, not just to set a good example for my daughters, but because I am still Chiquita, and Dida had, you know, things that she loved to do before she became all these other things. And forget to you know, open more space in your life to be a mom. Mm hmm. And as women, sometimes there's some guilt that comes with that. Because it's like, oh, my gosh, I'm supposed to be a wife, but my gosh, my gosh, especially when kids are involved. You know, I'm supposed why I could be spending this time. You know, doing something with my kids. And so and society, sometimes not sometimes a lot of times actually makes you feel that way. Like, shouldn't you be? You know, you hear women ask, like, what is your What is your what were your kids right now? It's like, a somewhere. Someone you never hear like, men ask that. Like, how are you juggling having children and work or having a podcast when people ask me? How do you do the podcast? Like, where's the time? And I'm like, I don't have the time. I just don't sleep watch. Yeah. And and I have I have a lot of patience. It took me three years to do that to be able to do the podcasts.
Michele Baci 24:16
Oh, yeah, that patience. You got to keep tapping into that patience.
Jedidah 24:21
Every week, 30 minutes a day, you know, if you calculate 30 minutes a day, that translates into almost five hours a week. And then if you can do an hour or two on the weekend, it's it's on the on the aggregate. It's like, Oh,
Michele Baci 24:36
yeah, we're starting to build compounds.
Michele Baci 24:39
Mm hmm.
Michele Baci 24:40
I really I owe a lot to one of my early therapists because she really got me off the ground with the podcast like, why don't you just do a little bit every day and then you know, if you're working on it every day, it will get done at a certain point. And just hearing someone else say that I was like, that makes sense. Whereas It seems so impossible. But before it does,
Jedidah 25:00
and it can also be discouraging sometimes like I belong to, we both belong to the fuzzy sprout, community platform forum and you hear people like, Oh my gosh, I launched like, an episode a week, two episodes, you know, a week, and you can get caught up in it and be like, Oh, my gosh, I'm not doing enough. But you start comparing yourself, which leads you down a bad rabbit hole. Exactly. And I'm like, do you have to be, you know, you have to do it at your own pace. So I would love to do an episode a week. But that's unrealistic out, I would be putting out junk. Really? Yeah.
Michele Baci 25:41
It's hard. I've been doing weekly podcasts. And I'm like, constantly on the verge of burnout. If I'm not already burnt out, I'm like, how do you keep this going? So I'm trying to reinvent ways where I can like, make it easier on myself or
Jedidah 25:55
switch something up, right, like, what can you automate? Or what can you I mean, and so I was saying to a friend of mine, I said, it's compromised, like, I would love to do more, it'll give me more downloads with me more exposure, but I just realistically, being able to do one a month is like, the best thing ever.
Michele Baci 26:16
Because you don't want to sacrifice on that quality.
Jedidah 26:18
I don't want to sacrifice on that quality. And I also don't want to give up on my dream. So I'm like, What's your dream? It's not, it's not always going to be this way. I'm not always not going to have the time to do what I want to do. But I can't say I'm going to do it. Now. I'm going to wait until I have the time because I don't know what's going to happen at that time. So I might as well do it now.
Michele Baci 26:41
Yeah, do it today.
Jedidah 26:43
Do it today, whatever I can, because I'm building on something. And when the time comes when my girls are, you know, a little more independent, and they don't need me as much. I will already have a foundation. I will already have my podcast. It's not like I'm going to be starting from scratch. Yeah, no, I might be able to do GS nine episode a day, who knows?
Michele Baci 27:07
we're laying the groundwork. And you're also learning the skills because a lot of this is like, you have to learn how to podcast. Yeah. And that takes time.
Jedidah 27:16
I have a friend she has like a juicer and she has all of these resources. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, we You and I were like the casting director, the producer, or the director, the everything to editor, she has
Michele Baci 27:31
a team.
Jedidah 27:32
She has a team. I'm like I'm doing we're doing this all by ourselves. But it's also again, I'm setting an example when my daughters see me like trying to figure out the tech that goes with it. I mean, I do a lot of like bootstrapping.
Michele Baci 27:48
For sure. Yeah. I have a small team of like a friend who helps me produce and get guests and I have a my sister helping with social media. But I feel like I'm doing like a lot of production work. Yeah, it does get overwhelming. It's overwhelming.
Jedidah 28:02
And
Michele Baci 28:05
but your daughters are watching you. They watch your dream.
Jedidah 28:08
Yeah. And they're like, Oh my gosh, like when we recorded the second. The second? Well, we have a trailer. And then we recorded this second or the third episode, which was how to stay motivated and positive during COVID. And I was like, Okay, I only have one like how are we going? How am I going to have and I had my daughter's on there actually on that episode.
Michele Baci 28:37
Yes. I listened to that one. It was cool to hear their voices.
Jedidah 28:40
Yes. And how am I going to have them on with one microphone with one microphone and oh my gosh, I got a I got a splitter. And we use a splitter and then we had one of my daughters had like just, you know, the apple headphones. my other daughter, I have another headphone and we did it and the sound. And then I you know I use Audacity and the sound was just flop. I mean it wasn't like, picture perfect. But the audio was good enough to where I was like, we did it. Most people don't even notice that.
Michele Baci 29:14
No, it sounded perfect.
Unknown Speaker 29:16
I Oh,
Michele Baci 29:16
I constantly obsess. I very much bring a perfectionist attitude to everything. And that hurts me a lot rather than helps me. And I'm glad I live with my boyfriend because he he gives me the opposite view. He's like, why are you editing? Why do you care? Why are you spending six hours on this? And I'm like, Well, I want to I want it to sound good, but he's right like you don't have to overanalyze.
Jedidah 29:41
You don't have to and and, and that's a thing that I think is something women do. Right? From when we're little it has to be perfect. The dress has to look perfect. Everything has to look perfect before you go out and that is something that I have had to unlearn. And part of it has come from watching my male friends. Yes. Colleagues, because I'm like, sometimes I'm like, Okay, are you going to, like, share that? And they're like, Yeah, why not? It's, you know, at 65 70% I'm like, Oh my gosh, you know, I, I would go to need to make it a little bit. And I learned over time that you can make it better later. As long as it's at the point where you would be proud to share it. Right. It's not perfect. But you're, you know, for podcasting and stuff, people hate bad audio. Yeah, so you want to have good audio, you have to have good audio, there's some basics, you have to meet people to be able to say, Okay, I'm gonna listen to you. And but it doesn't have to be like the, the, when I recorded that trailer, I redid it, because I realized I needed a pop filter to get my piece were very strong. And I was like, Oh, my God, I wouldn't want to hear that all the time. So I was like, okay, so I went on Amazon, I did a little research, and I got a pop filter. And then after that, I felt like my audio was good enough. And then I started, like, improving on things as I go along. And I'm trying to impart that on my daughters as well, because they, I can see them wanting things to be perfect. I'm like, why? Yeah, it's
Michele Baci 31:25
almost like, a female is born into the world with this anxiety, like, you know, as a woman, be perfect, as a woman show up and be ready and know everything. And the men are like, given the sense of entitlement, where it's like, oh, you're a man, you must have opportunities we don't have We're so happy and blessed to have you. It's like this weird, this internal approach we have to the world. Right? Right. And, and, and we perpetuated in so many ways, because you always hear when you're, you know, a girl, you
Jedidah 32:00
literally hear people say to you, you know, boys mature girls mature faster, right? Well, he's mature a little bit later. So
Michele Baci 32:07
I was just talking about that.
Jedidah 32:09
So it's almost like the messages, give them space to grow, they'll catch up well, for girls, there is none of that no one says, you know, give her space to whatever, it's almost like, you have to know how to do this and this and that. And that. So you, you grew up thinking, Oh my gosh, I really do have to be perfect. When you don't. And so that's, that's been a good lesson. For me and one that I tried to impart on, you know, people that I come across my daughters and, and other women and other girls when I just when I noticed that they're like, not doing something because they think it's not good enough.
Michele Baci 32:50
Yeah. Is there some kind of example like your daughters? Were procrastinating doing something and you were like, just do it?
Jedidah 32:58
You know, my, my little one during quarantine about three weeks ago, she decided she wanted to learn how to knit. Hmm. Now, I don't know how to knit. I don't know. I don't mean at all. I have a sister who knows how to knit. And I thought, Okay. And the reason she wanted to do that is because one of her besties admits to her besties actually, and so I said, Okay, fine. She said, Can we go get some yarn? And I was like, do the research. Tell me what I need. And we'll go. And so we went and we got yarn, and we got, you know, the knitting things,
Michele Baci 33:38
and you had her do the research.
Jedidah 33:40
I had her do this. Oh, yeah. That's good. Yeah. And then
Michele Baci 33:46
I feel like my mom, my mom would be like, okay, you know, she kind of I think she sometimes I know, she might be listening. Sorry, mom, but she over inserts herself into children's lives. Oh, yeah.
Jedidah 33:56
No, I was like, No, you know, you do the research, tell me what you need. And then we'll go get it. And, and I told her when we go to because it's Michaels. And they have all kinds of things in there.
Michele Baci 34:09
Oh, my God, Michaels has an aisle for knitting.
Jedidah 34:12
Oh, I get overwhelmed. And, and sometimes when you go with kids in there, they get distracted. They're like, Oh my gosh, just get this list. I said, Look, when we go in there, we're going to get yarn and you're allowed to get distracted by one or two things. And so and then after that, you can't like up to new hobbies. Yeah. I can't be running around the store, like a like a headless chicken. So. So we got the yarn, and then she got on YouTube. And she found this guy who knits and he showed her how to knit right. And so she started it and she was was a little frustrating. And, and I you know, I tried to help her a little bit. I remember seeing my sister knitting, so I was able to be like, Oh, I think you're supposed to This anyway, this girl, she kept with it, right, a little frustrating. Then she started knitting, and it didn't look the way she wanted it to look. You know, she wanted to look like, like a friend who has been knitting for a while, and I. And I said to her, look, look at what you're doing. You've never done this before. It's not perfect, right? But it looks pretty darn good for someone who just started, right. And then she kept going, and she kept going. But I could still see that there was this oh my gosh, this is, for lack of a better word, like crap. But I kept encouraging her. This is not the best. I kept saying it is not. It's not supposed to look perfect. Yeah, you're learning. So anyway, eventually, two days?
Michele Baci 35:50
No really nice way to say that, but not really. Like,
Jedidah 35:53
you know, and I always tell them, not you 11 to money can be a little bit more. You know, I know like the real world, real with you, right? When you will, you would show me a painting and I say, Oh my God, that's brilliant. She said, you used to do that? I said, Yeah, because I have to encourage you that. But now I can be a little more, more more truthful, right? And then two days ago, she was like, Okay, I'm done. I'm finishing this off. And we had gone back to get some yarn because she wants to make me as far as Michelle, you should see the noose new scarf that she's making. The knitting is amazing. Really? Oh my gosh, it's neat. It is lined up it is. And she and I said to her look, look what you have done.
Michele Baci 36:49
Because there's only like her what second project?
Jedidah 36:51
This is a second. This is in four weeks that we've been doing this, like this is her second project. And I said to him without that other one that looks a little, you know, interesting. You will not have been able to create what you if you had tried to achieve perfection with that you would have probably given up? No good. It's frustrating.
Michele Baci 37:13
So it's a great lesson to impart. Like, do you think she heard you? Do you think she she takes these lessons when you tell? Tell him to her?
Jedidah 37:20
I believe she does. I believe she does. My older one has is hard for me. She's a perfectionist, but she's working on it. She works on it. Yeah. And, you know, it's like with, you have to, like keep encouraging and reminding. Right? Eventually it sticks. That it doesn't have to be perfect. And then you yourself have to be okay with imperfection.
Michele Baci 37:47
You have to learn to let go.
Jedidah 37:50
Because sometimes I'll see something I'm like, why isn't and then I'm like, Oh, it's actually Okay, as it is it does need to be perfected? You know? So yeah.
Michele Baci 38:01
You ever give yourself a break, be like, I don't have to criticize everything. I can just live in the world.
Jedidah 38:06
Exactly. Because sometimes you're the one who's actually perpetuating that perfection. If I praise him.
Michele Baci 38:13
I do that. And my therapist is always like, trying to tell me to relax in different ways. And I you know, I haven't really practiced that in reality, but I'm always trying.
Jedidah 38:27
Yeah, exactly. And that's all you can do really, is keep trying because I you know, to some degree, I'm the same way I I just I, I have to constantly remind myself that it doesn't, it doesn't need to be perfect. It does. It's fine as it is, and for a lot of times of things that you're nitpicking only you and maybe someone who knows you really well is going to notice.
Michele Baci 38:53
Yeah, I always think especially like, if I'm editing the podcast, I'm nitpicking it, detail by detail to the point where I don't think anyone notices. And it's like, it's just for me, and yeah, that's, that's like something I have to let go.
Jedidah 39:06
Yeah, yeah. So
Michele Baci 39:08
how do you? How do you learn how to be a parent? Like, how did you learn how to teach your daughters to be self sufficient?
Jedidah 39:16
You know? That's a really great question.
Michele Baci 39:22
I want to know,
Jedidah 39:24
my mom is also parenting, right? my way or the highway aid, so it's kind of like under my roof. This is how my house my rules. You know, just as I say, and, you know, I thought I turned out fine. But
Michele Baci 39:44
I remember I feel like that's what every person says like,
Michele Baci 39:47
right, but it was the best it could be.
Michele Baci 39:49
I'm fine.
Jedidah 39:51
But there's certain things that I remember, right? Like I recall that I used to say to myself, when I was little or not when I was little like when I went I was stuck, I would say probably, you know, 1112, you know, a little bit older. Like, I used to say, when I go When I grow up, and I have children, these are the things that I'm going to do for myself. And these are the things that I'm going to make sure my kids have that I that I didn't happen. I'm not talking about material things. So, so a lot of my parenting. There's things that I take from my mom. And there's things that I that that were really positive and great that I use as a parent. And then there's things that I take that I my mom, and even my dad did, that I took and said, we're not going to do this, right? These are not the right, this is not how I'm going to raise my daughters. So, for instance, that feeling of powerlessness, right, that feeling of it's my way of the highway, I never forgot how it used to make me feel
Michele Baci 40:59
like it really makes you anti authority,
Jedidah 41:03
anti authority and powerless, right? Like, Oh, my gosh, I have no say. So my daughters have a lot of say, a lot of leeway. Like they are allowed to negotiate. I teach them how to nickel. I mean, sometimes I'll even mess it. Like I remember one time we had gone to Jamba Juice. And we had gone to Safeway, it was our local grocery store. And my daughter at the time she was she was maybe seven, or eight and she wanted Jamba Juice. And I said, No. And she says, okay, and I was like, is that it? And she looked at me, like super confused. What do you mean? I said, Do you think you deserve a Jamba Juice? She said, Well, I want one. And I said, Why convince me? Why should you know? And it's partly because also as women, we are so uncomfortable negotiating. It's so much easier to say okay, yeah, I'll just go for it. And, and, and when I was little, and I couldn't negotiate, well, I couldn't even negotiate because I was like, Oh, my gosh, I can't even really know what's really on the table. Yeah. And so I've given them a lot of rope. But every so often, I have to reel it in, right? Like, I guess country. Slow, right? You have to be like, okay, you can negotiate and you can, you know, sometimes disagree with me, but you have to be respectful. Right? And there's only so far you can go and then I give my like my teenager, she has a lot of freedom. And, you know, she drives now and she can go Do you know, things. And all I say to my daughters is that I have for you a lot of trust, do not betray my trust. Because all of your,
Michele Baci 42:57
that's already like scary enough, right? Okay, I won't, I won't betray your trust.
Jedidah 43:03
Because all of these privileges you have all you know, you have to know your children's currency, all the things that, you know, they love, I can, they can go away, it's not a threat, although my other ones sometimes will say you're threatening me. I say it's not a threat. It's just that if I trust you, then that means I know that you have the capability and that you know what's right and wrong, and that you're gonna at the end of the day, I've given you the foundation, we've given you the foundation to know how to make the right choices. So don't set up a secret Instagram account.
Michele Baci 43:42
Yeah, because if you betray your trust, you
Jedidah 43:45
betray my trust. If I find out that you have a secret Instagram account, I'll be like, Okay, what are you doing? You know, or, you know, just don't do things that make me feel or think that you're doing stuff that I don't want to know, your teenager, you're going to do stuff that I don't want to know.
Michele Baci 44:05
Yeah, it's inevitable,
Jedidah 44:07
it's inevitable. But when I give, I give you a lot of rope, really, compared to how I grew up. So a lot of times, I read up a little bit. I read up a little bit about it. Because I've never been a mom say for example, she was a teenager. So I picked up a book
Michele Baci 44:26
as a whole nother animal. It's
Jedidah 44:27
another other animal. And, you know, a lot of times you meet people and they say to you, when you say you're a teenager, it's like the shoulders drop, and it's like the worst and, and I always
Michele Baci 44:40
say oh carry and I paid for my teenager,
Jedidah 44:43
oh my gosh. And, and and i don't i didn't want that to be the case. And I was like, Okay, I was a teenager once in a while. I don't know it was I was powerless. Most of the time I was I went through I was going through all these changes by My mom really was like, you know, whatever. Just do as I say, and I didn't want to look at my daughter as this bad person that she was going to be a bad person. So I was like, let me read up about it a little bit. And I found this book. It's called the what is it called on an untamed, untapped? Oh, now I get called on teams untamed I think always, and I can't think of it right now this guiding your teenage daughter through the seven stages of adulthood. And oh my god, it was a lifesaver for me. And I have to tell you started my daughter saw me reading it. And she was like, oh, Mommy, that's cool. You want to know how to, you know, figure me out? I'm like that, that was like, Okay. But she appreciated that I was trying.
Michele Baci 45:55
Yeah.
Michele Baci 45:56
And the fact that you even got the book shows like the interest, you're taking the proactiveness. Because that subtitle guiding your teenager to be an adult, like,
Jedidah 46:07
no one ever tells you to do that. Right? Right. No one, no one and I didn't want to make, I mean, you're gonna make mistakes, but I wanted to make, you know, informed mistakes, because you're human. So you're going to, even though you read up about something, sometimes your reaction is going to go against, against, you know, what, you know, um, but it has been super, super helpful. Because one, their generation is so different from ours, right? Every time they have, like, so much information, you look back a little bit is the lighting is weird. And it's okay. And so, you know, it's been very helpful. And then I also found another book, which was about sexuality. Because that's also another like, topic that's difficult for mothers or parents to talk about with
Michele Baci 47:06
something you have to educate your children about.
Jedidah 47:09
Yeah. And then the other thing, and also, it's such a different time, the way like they're young, younger generations think about sexuality is not the same way that my generation, your generation, older generations thought about it, and I didn't want to be this like dinosaur.
Michele Baci 47:27
Yeah. You want to be teaching teaching them in their language?
Jedidah 47:31
Exactly. It's, I found this amazing book. And it has been so good and so informative, and so timely. Because sometimes, you know, teenagers will ask you questions, and I'm like, Oh, my God, how do I answer that? And I had read, it so happened that I had read up about it. So it wasn't it was I was like, Oh, my God, we answered this,
Michele Baci 47:59
you're prepared, prepared, which is great. Because otherwise, a lot of parents either lie, or they tell like half truths. And you're like, as a kid, you know, they're not telling you the truth.
Jedidah 48:10
You do. And I don't want I want my daughters to go out there. And how about their sexuality? I don't want them to go out there and, you know, not know it enough to own it.
Michele Baci 48:25
Yeah, you want to educate them, you want to arm
Jedidah 48:28
to arm them with knowledge, know, what they want, you know, and what they don't want and right, you know, to be able to stand up for themselves, because a lot of times, you know, one of the biggest issues that women and girls face is abuse, right and,
Michele Baci 48:49
and kind of like social
Jedidah 48:49
manipulation and to be manipulate, you know, psychological manipulation, power moves, how moons and i i, if you don't know if no one has really taught you or explained to you that this is what you're going to face in the world? How are you going to be able to handle it so well, it's almost like we're perpetuating a never ending cycle of, of girl girls that really don't know, they don't know their power. They don't know how to use it. They don't know how to, to, they don't know the cues to read certain cues. And yeah,
Michele Baci 49:26
I don't want something like they call it grooming. We're like, a young girl is taken advantage of by an older man. Because the girl doesn't know. She's like a teenager. Yeah, right.
Jedidah 49:37
Oh, even in the in the relationships with their peers, right. Like, like guys who are their age, like asking them to do certain things. Right. And as if you don't teach them that, hey, relationships are reciprocal and you have to feel valued. You should never feel like you have to do something unless you Want to do it? You have to be able to talk about it. You're not arming you know them with the tools that they need to survive. Right.
Michele Baci 50:11
Do you remember what that book is called?
Jedidah 50:14
It is called Oh my god. Let me get it.
Michele Baci 50:17
Can I get it? I feel like I've heard about before. Yeah, God has called.
Jedidah 50:20
Let me get it real quick.
Michele Baci 50:31
When Geeta comes back, I'm going to ask her if she wants to vent about anything.
Jedidah 50:37
It's called girls and sex. By Peggy Orenstein.
Michele Baci 50:43
Yes. Okay. Peggy Orenstein. Yeah,
Jedidah 50:45
yeah.
Michele Baci 50:46
Yeah. And that's a pretty recent, it's recently written, I think,
Jedidah 50:51
yes, it was actually public.
Michele Baci 50:58
Well, when is this published? It's
Jedidah 50:59
not that old.
Unknown Speaker 51:01
Um,
Michele Baci 51:02
I don't think it was around when I was a kid. No,
Jedidah 51:05
it definitely wasn't. It was published in 2016. So okay, you know, yeah, five years ago, six years ago.
Michele Baci 51:18
And you think it's been super helpful? It sounds like
Jedidah 51:21
to me Yes. And, and, and I think it would be helpful to a lot of parents and to a lot of people who are not like Gen Z. Yeah, I
Michele Baci 51:34
think it's really probably applicable to all children, like girls or boys, whatever, girls or
Jedidah 51:40
boys. And, and some of the things in here were shocking to me. I was like, that's how things are done now. Well, yeah.
Michele Baci 51:51
Because you know, the generational gap, you're like, well, I missed something.
Jedidah 51:56
Yes. Is I must have missed that. So it was like, enlightening. It was enlightening. Because, like I said, when we were driving, and we were on the free way, and my daughter turned to me and says, Can I ask you something? And she asked me a question. And I almost fainted. But I didn't show it because I had, I had read about it. You know, and I was like, I know how to answer this question without dodging.
Michele Baci 52:21
Yeah, without feeling unconfident that you couldn't answer it. I couldn't
Jedidah 52:25
answer it. And, and, you know, think about it, sex is one of the most natural things right, but yet, there's so much it's stigmatized, stigma and taboo around it. And in our
Michele Baci 52:39
culture and other cultures, not so much. But in American culture is so stigmatized,
Jedidah 52:44
you know, and so I want, I want them I want girls to be comfortable talking about it, there is nothing uncomfortable about it. You know, it's natural, it's like eating it's, you need it. So as a woman you should
Michele Baci 53:00
have, it's why they're alive.
Jedidah 53:02
Right? And yet, you should have a voice about it. And you should feel powerful, and, and all of the other things. And so yeah, so those, those two books have been really helpful to me. Lately, right, now that I have a tea, I want to
Michele Baci 53:21
read that book when I'm a parent, for sure.
Jedidah 53:22
Yes, that one and the untapped, or I'm tapping on to one of the two.
Jedidah 53:30
I know, I can't remember. But um, one thing I was gonna say, too, is that I'm sure there are books out there for boys as well.
Michele Baci 53:40
Yeah. And that's probably you do want to talk to girls and boys a little differently, but you still want them both at the same foundation of understanding Hmm.
Jedidah 53:49
And I think it's even more it's so important for the for, for boys to learn the same things right to learn about sexuality and to be informed so that when they go into relationships, they there's no misogyny right or credo set, there's no sexism, because a lot of these things I taught, right, when you hear like, oh, boys will be boys. I'm like, No, no, it's
Michele Baci 54:24
like, but we're all equal. Right?
Jedidah 54:27
Right. It's like, if you would not find that acceptable with anybody else, it shouldn't be acceptable, because that person is a boy. Right? So I think I think it's important for both boys and girls to be informed about stuff.
Michele Baci 54:46
I'm sure. I want to wrap up because I know you have to go soon. Yeah, so I have two different segment ideas. Do you want to spin the roulette wheel and get a random question? Or do you want to vent about the topic of your choice? For a little bit if there's anything you want to vent about,
Jedidah 55:04
no, I like the idea of the roulette. Let's okay. I think that's fun,
Michele Baci 55:09
pal. I'll tell you where it lands.
Jedidah 55:14
Oh my gosh, what did I get myself into?
Michele Baci 55:17
So if you could have any superpower, what would you choose and why?
Jedidah 55:26
To give myself more time.
Michele Baci 55:29
That sounds like the perfect superpower.
Jedidah 55:33
If I could, like, just have more time, I would be the hottest girl in the world because I, I'm always there's so much to do. Not in terms of complaining, right, I have to do, there's a lot of chores to do, and they have to get done and all that stuff. And they take up time, but time to do the things that I love to do, but still be a good mom, right? still be a good colleague, and still be a good daughter and, and partner and, and all of those things. I just feel like, I just run out of time all the time.
Michele Baci 56:12
I'm like, how do you how do you give your all to everything. So everything
Jedidah 56:15
and I'm always like, I didn't get to do this and this and this. And I'm learning every day to just like go and to be like, okay, to be to appreciate the things that I was able to do. And to keep improving in terms of, you know, time management and, and not scheduling too much. You know, not packing too much to do in a day. Because then I set myself up sometimes for disappointment, because then I'm like, Oh my god, I won't be able to do things. No,
Michele Baci 56:50
yeah, I have this problem, too. I preach it to the choir where I'm always like, why is my to do list never getting shorter. It makes you feel bad. Makes you feel bad. Yeah. But if you practice gratitude, and if you set realistic to do lists, like you know, make sure you could do these things today. You know, you're really preparing yourself for success.
Jedidah 57:11
Yeah, yeah. You're not so disappointed at the end of the day.
Michele Baci 57:15
Yes. Well, to do that, I want to let you go. Tell us where to find you. Anything you want to promote and tell us where to find your podcast.
Jedidah 57:22
Yes. So my podcast is Her Canvas, as in her and canvas like campus and it's available on Apple podcast, Google podcast, Spotify. Finally got on Pandora
Michele Baci 57:38
congrats
Jedidah 57:39
amazon music and I Heart Radio. I think the main ones are, you know, Apple podcasts, Google podcasts. So on
Michele Baci 57:48
Spotify too
Jedidah 57:49
Spotify to Yes, Spotify for sure. So yeah, you can find me there. You can also I also have a blog is called gap muse. And you can find me on gap muse dot com. I publish a lot of stuff to educate, inspire and empower women, especially when it comes to, you know, financial health and talking about women's issues and stories. And then also lifestyle tips, right? Because we got to have some fun about all of these things that we get to deal with. And that's the same thing for my podcast is it's really an extension of my blog. I started with my blog, and then I decided, you know what, I'm gonna do a podcast to amplify women's voices even more. And then finally, I have a Facebook community Facebook group called Gap Muse Women. And that's a place where, you know, women and, you know, girls can get together to connect, to collaborate, to engage and to thrive together in the spirit of sisterhood. So those are the three places. And nice Yeah, yeah. And got muses also on Facebook and Twitter. And the handle on Twitter is at gap muse
Michele Baci 59:10
Perfect. And I'll I'll link it all down below. Thank you so much for coming on. I had a great time talking to you.
Jedidah 59:16
I had a great time talking to you, too. This was fun. I didn't even realize how quickly the time went by.
Jedidah 59:21
I know we started the conversation.
Michele Baci 59:23
And Jedidah's like, I don't think I could talk for very long. I'm not that interesting.
Jedidah 59:30
It's amazing. I'm like, Oh
Jedidah 59:31
my gosh, it's 430 already.
Michele Baci 59:33
See? So you can always like surprise yourself.
Jedidah 59:36
Yes, yes. But thank you so much for having me. This
Michele Baci 59:38
was a lot of fun. Of course. Have a good rest of your day.
Jedidah 59:42
Thank you. You too.
Michele Baci 59:43
This has been Therapy Roulette: consent to vent. Thank you so much for listening. If you liked this episode, please leave a review, especially on Apple podcasts. Although you can leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts because I am not picky. Tell your friends tell strangers tell family tell everyone about this podcast. We could spread the word about destigmatizing mental health and laughing about funny, awkward, bad, terrible, hilarious things that have happened to us in our therapy related lives. Just tell people and share this on social media. If you're listening right now take a screenshot tag me on Twitter, Instagram, all my handles are down below. I love to see that you're listening and reshare. Thanks for listening. I'll be back with a new episode next week.
Theme Song 1:00:30
Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you don’t have problems, then you’re likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist / (Who’s not me)