Michele is recovering from burnout and focusing on making the podcast even better! We’re joined by Michele’s friend Amanda today as a guest co-host. Amanda is a writer and arts educator based in Philadelphia and was previously on episode 105. They discuss the home buying process, their paths to home ownership, the pros and cons of marriage, and how their relationships with their significant others are affected.
Today’s guest is Steven, host of the Ballistic Autistic podcast. Steven opens up about his childhood diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome, misdiagnosis of ADD, and the behavioral therapist he had at school. Steven discusses his career as a dog groomer and how he’s always been honest about his autism in the workplace. He talks about his hobbies, including archery, photography, and videography. They dissect the TV show Love on the Spectrum, Sia’s film Music, and representations of autism in the media. Steven tells us how his autism has affected his outlook on dating, love, and his relationship with his wife.
Therapy Roulette is switching to a biweekly format- episodes will drop every other Thursday.
Write a review! - ratethispodcast.com/therapy
Email us! - therapyroulette@gmail.com
Follow Therapy Roulette:
Twitter: @TherapyRoulette
YouTube channel: Therapy Roulette
Follow Steven and the Ballistic Autistic podcast:
Twitter: @ballisticaspie
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Twitter: @michelebaci
Theme music by Hannah Fairchild
Spotify: Hannah Vs. The Many
https://open.spotify.com/artist/5rlyuj1AOlLdLCV5MRFc9P?si=muDK4Rr3RXWMGhBCP0fQaw
Michele is recovering from burnout and focusing on making the podcast even better! We’re joined by Michele’s friend Amanda today as a guest co-host. Amanda is a writer and arts educator based in Philadelphia and was previously on episode 105. They discuss the home buying process, their paths to home ownership, the pros and cons of marriage, and how their relationships with their significant others are affected.
Today’s guest is Steven, host of the Ballistic Autistic podcast. Steven opens up about his childhood diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome, misdiagnosis of ADD, and the behavioral therapist he had at school. Steven discusses his career as a dog groomer and how he’s always been honest about his autism in the workplace. He talks about his hobbies, including archery, photography, and videography. They dissect the TV show Love on the Spectrum, Sia’s film Music, and representations of autism in the media. Steven tells us how his autism has affected his outlook on dating, love, and his relationship with his wife.
Therapy Roulette is switching to a biweekly format- episodes will drop every other Thursday.
Write a review! - ratethispodcast.com/therapy
Email us! - therapyroulette@gmail.com
Follow Therapy Roulette:
Twitter: @TherapyRoulette
YouTube channel: Therapy Roulette
Follow Steven and the Ballistic Autistic podcast:
Twitter: @ballisticaspie
Follow Michele Baci:
Twitter: @michelebaci
Theme music by Hannah Fairchild
Spotify: Hannah Vs. The Many
https://open.spotify.com/artist/5rlyuj1AOlLdLCV5MRFc9P?si=muDK4Rr3RXWMGhBCP0fQaw
Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you dont have problems, then youre likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist/ (Whos not me)
Michele Baci:Hey, rouletters, welcome to another episode of Therapy Roulette Consent to Vent. I'm your host, Michele Baci, and I have an announcement. I've been putting out this podcast weekly on Thursdays for half a year, it's been six months. And I've been operating on burnout level pretty much the whole time just like pulling myself together to barely get it in on time for a Thursday release. And I'm going to actually cut myself some slack and the podcast is going to go to an every other week format. So every other Thursday, you can expect a new episode. So this episode comes out on Thursday, in March, the 25th. And the next episode of Therapy, Roulette will drop into Thursdays on April 8. So you can look out for that. And we'll be on an every other week schedule. Until further notice, I just need to recoup. And there's a lot I want to do in my life besides work on this podcast. So we'll see if I can fit in anything else, such as writing, hanging out with Joseph hanging out with family and friends. Probably virtually for now. But I just need more time for myself and more time for other things in my life besides only doing this podcast and only doing my day job and barely getting in sleep because I've been doing that for six months. And it's been rough. But thanks for bearing with me. I am doing this paddock, this podcast because I love it. And it means a lot to me. And I really feel like we're on a good mission to help people laugh about trauma, bad things, psychological issues, and learn that everything is just dark because it's stigmatized. So if we can take away the stigma, we could all learn to embrace who we are what happened to us and just roll with it, you know, open up to light. On today's episode, I talked to my friend Amanda. She's a returning guest to the podcast, she is coming on as a co host. So we'll talk to a guest in a little bit. But right now I'd like to introduce Amanda. She is a writer and an arts educator. She's based in Philadelphia and she lives with her partner and her two cats. Marco and Desmond. I let I'd like to welcome Amanda. I'm here with Amanda. She's been on the podcast before Amanda, welcome back. How's it going? How is life?
Amanda:Thanks so much for having me again. Life is good. I guess as good as it can be. I probably said the same thing. Last time I was on I feel strange saying that I'm doing well, given everything that's happening. But I feel like I'm doing well.
Michele Baci:That's good. I mean, we have to have those outliers in the in the vast majority of doom that we're experiencing.
Amanda:I'll be the one brave one that says I'm doing well.
Michele Baci:I also feel good. I feel like things are good right now.
Amanda:Nice.
Michele Baci:Might we might as well like stretch this out as long as we can. Like, let's keep it going good. Right. I feel like I've been watching the news and everyone. I don't know. I'm just like whatever's happening in Europe. That's what's coming. So I'm always like, disasters on the horizon.
Amanda:Yeah, they're very skeptical about all their vaccines in Europe right now. They're like, AstraZeneca is killing the whole population in Europe. And I'm like, Oh,
Michele Baci:yeah, but then they're like, but science and government do not agree. So it's like, oh, okay, so no one's really like consent saying on this,
Amanda:right. It's like a but I but we know that feeling where science and government don't agree. We were there. But I've been watching the news so much less than I used to.
Michele Baci:That feels good.
Amanda:Yeah. Just fit. There's like, there is stuff going on. But it doesn't feel as urgent as it used to, like I have to know everything that this guy's doing.
Michele Baci:And I think I've like really whittle down my news sources where I'm like, checking in with this podcast, like maybe reading on the New York Times. What is Dr. Fauci say? And then I'm like, that's plenty. So we were just talking about buying a house I have put in my application for a loan and I'm kind of nervous because like that was a lot of documents. I had to prepare and I don't know what happens next. But you're you're a little further along and also buying house. So tell us how it's going.
Unknown:Yeah, so
Amanda:my my house buying journey started out with just us kind of going to see houses that we liked on Zillow, and then being too scared to do anything about it? And we were like, okay. That's okay. That's nice. And then like never do anything about it.
Michele Baci:Are you like looking to distract yourself because it's kind of a fun quarantine activity.
Amanda:It is a fun quarantine activity. We were interested but we weren't acting as quickly as we needed to in order to get any of the houses that we were first interested in. Like in this market, you have to put in an offer, like immediately if you even remotely think you could see yourself living there. Yeah, like you.
Michele Baci:There's no pre planning. There's no like thinking about it overnight.
Amanda:No, it's because the mortgage rates are so low right now. But then I was also looking at them historically. And like, they've been this low before. So I feel like this urgency is like made up. I love it. You're
Michele Baci:fact checking it, because I haven't done that. And people are saying it's never been like this. Yeah, like,
Amanda:it's I think it's in the 3% area right now. And like, it's been on the low side before maybe never this low, but I saw it in the 90s. It was in like 6% or 8%. Like, that's pretty close.
Michele Baci:Yeah. Like, if we if we estimate like the proximity, this is not so unheard of.
Amanda:Right, right. So then we started working with a loan company, and I couldn't stop referring to them as loan sharks, by accident, purely because I couldn't remember what to call them.
Michele Baci:A lot of like foreign terms, you have to learn,
Amanda:Oh, my God. And they're describing such normal things. Most of the time, it's like, just call it what it is. So we got pre approved with them. And then we went to an open house on Sunday. So a week ago, a week from today in the past. And we got it started at about one o'clock. And we kind of got there probably 145. And like a lot of people were there seeing the house. So it gave us this urgency. So we looked around for like 15 minutes. We like talk to the realtor that was running the open house. Ours wasn't there at the moment. And we were like, okay, like, yeah, I guess we could see ourselves living here. So we go home, and then we start putting the offer together, like with our realtor, and then we put it in and they accepted our offer. And it was very crazy. So it's like all this anticipation. And then things start happening very quickly. Like they accepted our offer. We put in a deposit signed a bunch of very scary sounding legal papers.
Michele Baci:Yeah, so many papers, you have to like review and sign away your life to
Amanda:Oh my God, I've never done anything so legally binding. It's terrifying and even filled with like, I don't even think my student loans were this crazy when I was borrowing 120 plus $1,000. At the age of 18. Yeah.
Michele Baci:It's probably the same. Like they're just like, here's the papers, like very, you know, that we do this every day.
Unknown:Yeah, you want your fucking money, like,
Michele Baci:take it. And then if you you got accepted with the offer, everything has to go through and then can you ever back out? Like, can you decide, Oh, we don't want it.
Amanda:I think after the inspection, if like shit is crazy, and like there's a lot of stuff that we need to change, I think then we can be like, Oh, well, I wasn't expecting all these kinds of repairs. But it's Yeah,
Michele Baci:so that's where you can negotiate. Yeah.
Amanda:I know. It's like so not part of like American culture, negotiating and like haggling. I feel like, that's true. Yeah.
Michele Baci:I don't know. But it's smart. It's what the smart people do. Like anyone who works in, like, people I know who work in accounting, or like the finance world. It's like, that's how you keep your money. Right? knock down these big prices. That's true.
Amanda:So yeah, I think there is like a small window of us to back out, but like, I think you might lose your deposit or something. And it was like$5,000. And I was like, I don't want to lose.
Michele Baci:Yeah, I guess you could ask your realtor like, if you have any questions about it.
Amanda:What's the possibility of us and not wanting this anymore? And it's not that I don't want it anymore. I keep having those like, nagging feelings of like, what the hell do you think you're doing? Like, you cannot buy a house you do not do that.
Michele Baci:Yeah, so it's not even buyer's remorse. It's like you don't think You deserve it. Right? It's
Amanda:just like existential crisis.
Michele Baci:Yeah. As as popular these days. Right, right. Yeah. So I'm just I'm just keeping it at existential crisis is just because you've been like renting forever. You don't think it doesn't seem real?
Amanda:Yeah. And also, it's like a lot of responsibility. Like, if you don't pay your rent, I feel like your mortgage or your rent your if if you don't pay your rent right now, you could kind of like, have some flexibility, especially with all of the the craziness going on. Yeah. Also, probably with your mortgage, too. I know some people who didn't pay their mortgage for like six months at the beginning of the pandemic. So
Michele Baci:yeah, you take it, whatever comes to you and deal with it at the time. Yeah,
Amanda:yeah, exactly. But no, I think it's exciting. It is exciting. And I feel myself being like, I went to bed bath and beyond yesterday, buying stuff that I didn't really need. And I got to the register, and it was like, 70 something dollars, and I was like, afford this I have a house to pay for.
Michele Baci:Right? I know it makes I've been trying to budget so hard, in anticipation of buying a house and like no more frivolous purchases. Like why am I spending more on snacks? I don't need this many snacks, like things I don't need. But then you also feel a little like flushing the money. You're like, no, I can afford whatever I want. I'm buying a house. Right? these contradictions coming at you? How does a How does Phil feel about it?
Amanda:He was the one who was initially more excited. And now as things start becoming more real, and more legal. He's like, I don't know if this is a good idea. And I'm like, this was your idea.
Michele Baci:To buy a house.
Amanda:What kind of I feel like his mom and her husband were kind of like, Oh, you know, rates are really good right now. You should really start thinking about it. You know, you're just throwing money away by renting.
Michele Baci:Yeah. adage people give you and you're like, well, thanks, but I you know, I do live in the house. I rent so I don't think I'm throwing it away.
Amanda:Yeah, no, it's exactly. It's serving a purpose. Yeah. So it's kind of like got in his head that way. And then we're like, okay, like, maybe we could, I don't know. And then now as it's getting more real, he is like visibly, like, shaken like, 80% of the time. And I'm like, are you okay? And he's fine. Fine. I feel like I could tell he's just like thinking about it. Yeah.
Michele Baci:It's just such a big step to take. It makes sense. You would freak out a little bit.
Amanda:Yeah. Well, he was so nervous like that. When we moved into our apartment together. My parents helped me move down. And my mom pulled me aside and she's like, it's filled in to be okay. Just look to like, 1000 yard stare like, yeah, dead soul.
Michele Baci:Poker Face? No, no,
Amanda:no, definitely not. He should never play poker.
Michele Baci:Yeah. I mean, it's a scary thing to do, because you're taking like a leap of faith so I could see where he's coming from.
Amanda:That's true. And I was thinking about it. And I was like, Is this like getting married now? Like, we're entering into some sort of legal agreement together? I know
Michele Baci:what that one. Is it similar? Is it like the same gravitas? Buying a house getting married?
Amanda:I would say they're pretty similar in that it's like a big legal commitment that will take a lot of money to undo those the biggest similarities that I can see right now, but honestly, the longer that I stay in a very committed relationship and not get married. I see. I don't see the point of getting married. Like, what's it going to change? Nothing we're functionally married already. Yeah,
Michele Baci:it's more like a celebration like you're you're making a whole day out of it to like ceremoniously say we love each other and we're committed to each other we want everyone to acknowledge that Yeah,
Unknown:you better acknowledge this now.
Michele Baci:That's our day and paid for you to calm
Amanda:down don't know if I want like a wedding like that. They're so expensive.
Michele Baci:I know. I've been thinking about it a lot. Because this is what we do in lockdown. We think about things
Unknown:just about things.
Michele Baci:And the more low key you can do it the better like the courthouse idea does make sense. But then I also I want a little bit of ceremony and like the amount of reality TV I've taken in I'm like, I need something for myself. Yeah, no, I
Amanda:definitely want a party. Yeah, just because there Fun.
Michele Baci:I like the idea of the party like all your young people in your life celebrating with you. I would get a dress, I would get some good food.
Unknown:Yeah. I don't
Michele Baci:need all the traditional things. No. And then the house is like practical. So I'm like, Yeah, let's do the house first. And then Joseph's more excited for the house to like, he brought it up a year ago, before we live together. It's like, we should get a house together in these neighborhoods. It's affordable. And I panicked and was like, we're not talking about this.
Unknown:You're gonna have to stop right now.
Michele Baci:Because there's, there's some kind of like, chiseling, you have to do where it's like, Let's live together first. Let's, you know, approach this conversation piece by piece.
Unknown:Yeah, yeah. He's
Michele Baci:just all in. Yeah. He was like, No, I'm ready to legally binds our lives together. And I was like, no. Excuse me. So I think you you both have to be open to that at the right time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we've,
Amanda:we've lived in this apartment. August 2021. Would have been four years. So we're at like three and a half years right now.
Michele Baci:Yeah. So you've seen the best and the worst of each other. And that's done.
Unknown:Yeah, that's true.
Michele Baci:Which is good. It's like the test ground.
Amanda:Like, if you can't handle me at my blank, you don't deserve me at my blank line.
Michele Baci:I think you need at least a year to like, see what a person's really like.
Amanda:Yeah. And in like, all phases of how they feel, because then it impacts your relationship with them. And yeah, like relate to them. And like, if they're fun to be around when they're like, not having a great day at work or
Michele Baci:something, you know, if they're stressed if they're sick.
Amanda:Yeah. Oh, my God, when all those things that's Joseph been sick around you, because yes, Phil's very dramatic.
Michele Baci:So Joseph has been sick, I would say like, 80% of our relationship. He's constantly sick. He's giving me a look across the room. I brought him I brought him over to New York last year, and he was sick, like half that trip. And it seemed like he never went away. Like vitamin C, his immune system isn't as good as mine. And then he is dramatic. I feel like males tend to be a little more dramatic.
Amanda:Oh my god, I was like, Phil, are you dying? He's like, No, just have a stuffy nose.
Michele Baci:Like a man with a cold. You don't want to touch that with a stick?
Unknown:Absolutely not.
Michele Baci:I've just learned to have Tylenol accessible. And I'm like, you know, at all
Amanda:times.
Michele Baci:Are there for you go sleep. Oh,
Amanda:I like haven't had a cold or anything this entire year.
Unknown:Mm hmm.
Michele Baci:That's good.
Amanda:It's crazy. I feel like our immune systems are gonna be so weird. Like, if you went this whole time without getting COVID and you haven't been sick at all, because you've been like, so cautious. You haven't been going as many places and you've been wearing the mask when you do go places like, what am I gonna feel like if I have a cold again? It's gonna be terrible. I'm gonna think that I'm dying.
Michele Baci:I would hope it doesn't affect us to bags. We're like adults. We're not kids. You have to build up our immune systems.
Amanda:Andrew,
Michele Baci:find out.
Amanda:Have you gotten vaccinated?
Michele Baci:Now? I think I'm like, I think I'm the last schedule so probably in May.
Unknown:Yeah, yeah. When it's like all adults can now get it.
Michele Baci:Yeah. What about you know,
Amanda:I like I feel like I maybe could if I tried really hard but I just haven't been trying.
Michele Baci:So our guest is about to enter the room. I guess I'll give him a proper intro and he signs on but are you ready? Yes. Okay. Yes,
Theme Song:guest interview / a friend for you / strangers whose issues are relatable / guest interview / They're the voice that's new / this person has problems and they don't mind discussing it, but they still need a therapist / (Whos not me)
Michele Baci:is not me. Welcome back to Therapy Roulette consent event. I'm here with Steven, host of ballistic autistic podcast and I am joined by my guest co host Amanda. Steven, welcome.
Steven:Oh, thank you. I'm looking forward to this. It's gonna be a lot of fun.
Michele Baci:For sure. I mean, I love a guest co host too. So we have more people in the mix. How's it going? Steven? You're in California.
Steven:Yeah, I'm here in Southern California. San Diego County and it's been not Yeah, weather's finally getting you know what we're used to. It's still cold in the morning, but we're getting back to our normal regularly scheduled programming here.
Michele Baci:That's good. Yeah, I feel colder.
Amanda:We talking when you say that it's cold.
Steven:For San Diego when it's 14th in the morning. That's that's cold.
Amanda:That's that's pretty chilly. I'm just I'm teasing because I live on the east coast. I'm in Philadelphia. So I'm like, Oh, these Californians. They're so cold.
Steven:Yeah, we're very very pampered here. That's without a doubt that's true.
Michele Baci:I do kind of feel like an asshole when I'm like, it's just nice here. Like whenever people ask me about the weather it's persistently nice in LA.
Steven:Yeah, it's like it maybe in the summer we get a boiling 98 degrees.
Michele Baci:Yeah. Which does suck the heat waves suck.
Unknown:Yeah.
Michele Baci:How's Philly? Amanda are You doing okay there?
Amanda:Yeah, yesterday and today we're both like really nice out. 60s and 70s. We got pummeled this winter with snow. And it hadn't snowed here like that in a long time. So I think last year, it only snowed a maximum of six inches the entire winter. And here in some parts, it got like, up to like 3040 inches throughout the whole winter. So it was a lot of snow, a lot of shoveling, of course it was the first winter that I had a car here. So then I had to deal with it in that way. And I was like, Oh my god, of course.
Michele Baci:That's the one thing that holds you back from like, driving to the east coast tomorrow, like I don't want to deal with like the car plus the snow.
Steven:Yeah, not everyone's prepared for dress. No streets, like people are barely prepared for rainy streets here in California. Yeah,
Michele Baci:whenever it rains in LA, it's like you would think, like, we lost electricity, or, you know, the TV doesn't work like something terrible happened. So Steven, do you want to tell us about your childhood? How was your childhood?
Steven:Um, well, it was definitely fairly interesting. So, um, growing up, by the time I was in the fourth grade, I was diagnosed with being on the high end of the spectrum of autism, then, because we're talking about like, mid 90s, early 90s, we'll see. Yeah, early 90s. Because I was like, fourth grade. I was Asperger's then. So, you know, I was having, you know, dealing with the challenge of, you know, dealing with the schooling and making friends that are, you know, just even friends that are probably not really super good friends. And then dealing with that, especially because then autism, specifically Asperger's and of itself is still very new. So, you know, teachers didn't know how to handle kids on the spectrum. You know, doctors didn't know, you know, medicating them was necessary or not or, you know, you, you know, they miss diagnosing even think it's just add or stuff like that. And, you know, so it was a it was challenging, you know, I had a hard time definitely, you know, scholastically and, you know, interpersonal relationships and all that.
Unknown:Yeah,
Steven:so they diagnosed you with Asperger's first was autism, not like a thing doctors were saying? Well, I mean, they basically, Asperger's is basically just the term that they use for higher functioning people on the spectrum of autism. So it's just like, it's just more of a narrowed down medical term at that point, like, okay, you are autistic by obviously, your verbal and you can kind of do eye contact, there are things that you're struggling with. But like, you know, these are, you know, there's these traits that we can characterize or categorize you, and then, you know, because of, you know, your ability to do much more than the typical, let's say, lower functioning, for the, for the argument for the conversation, you know, it's like, okay, so you're more on the lower end of the spectrum. And, like now, we don't even, you know, use spectrum or Autism Spectrum Disorder anymore. It's, you know, it's just now it's like, they like to use like neuro, neuro diversity, neuro diverse, yeah,
Michele Baci:neuro atypical. So, these are all words that like, only recently I've come into contact with Yeah, like, how long have we been using these words? I have no idea. They're still pretty
Steven:new. And I'm like, I'm gonna be 32. So it's like, Okay, well, I must be like, totally out of the autism community at this point. So I'm like, trying to slowly reintroduce myself because like, Okay, what do kids these days, like, what are they going through, you know, how are they being diagnosed? What are the what's the vernacular? Because the big thing with Asperger's is that it turned out that the guy that was, you know, the doctor who created that end of the spectrum was like a full blown Nazi. And then
Michele Baci:Oh, my God. Okay. Good to know.
Amanda:Autism is like dark underbelly. That's scary.
Michele Baci:The guy who like defined it as a spectrum disorder, autism spectrum.
Steven:Yeah, that it was named after Dr. Asperger's. Yeah, he turned out he was like, into eugenics and then all that. Yeah. It turned out he was actually like, worse guy than they thought.
Unknown:Wow.
Michele Baci:Okay. Well, that's a good like history note to look look into. So dark. So you were around fourth grade when you got the diagnosis? Um,
Steven:yeah, pretty much before that. There. Were still like my mom knew that there was, you know, I was definitely different from the kids. I kind of, you know, my inner my personal My relationships with other kids my age were, you know, you know, not as easy to come by, in a sense, like, they're my interactions were, you know, I just had a difficult time. And so we just, you know, she was going to different doctors, and I've seen different, like therapists and. And so from there, she just tried her best to, you know, kind of figure out what was going to work best for me.
Michele Baci:Yeah, I feel like the parent has to be the one who's like, No, I know, my kid. Like, something's, Something's Weird About my kid, we should figure out what's going on?
Steven:Yeah, for sure.
Amanda:Yeah, it's really important for parents to advocate for their kids, especially when it's like the early 90s. And not a lot of people really understand what's going on.
Steven:Yeah, that was the, that was the difficult part of just, you know, you know, the big part as a kid was, you know, kind of before the whole diagnosis of what my autism was, you know, they thought it was a DD or ADHD or whatever. And so they tried medications. And that was kind of like the hardest part. And it was just a very short period, I was thinking like, maybe barely a month. And, and I like, I still remember that time, like, I remember, like that crazy fog, of, you know, being on the medications. And just going from, like, my mom still remembers, like, describe me as like, I was definitely a completely different kid. And like, and I just remember, you know, I already had like, low self esteem. But um, it just kind of like, even dropped more. And then, like, I had a lot of when I was in the medication, like, that's when like, suicidal thoughts Really? Were creeping into my mind.
Michele Baci:Yeah, when you were a kid, too. That's like, intense. Yeah. I mean, I can see, because any medication, like if you put someone on it, and they're not supposed to have that medication, like, why are we the guinea pigs where it's like, oh, just see how they react. Like, it's such a crazy system that we have in place. Yeah, how do we combat that?
Steven:I mean, no, but really, my mom being my advocate, I mean, that was the only way she's like, you're off. Like, we're not doing this. Like you're not who you were. And then, you know, and I've talked openly about, kind of like, like, kind of like, the darker point of it was when, like, I just hated myself so much. Because I was like, why can't I just interact with everyone normally. And I remember, like, the one time where like, I was really kind of done, we were walking through a parking lot, go into a grocery store. And I'm just kind of walking slow walking behind my mom. And then at that point, I kind of see like, this really big to me looks ginormous. So it's probably just like an F 150 or whatever, but a big old truck comic guide not I could kind of tell you like he's not really looking forward. And so I just kind of stopped. Like, if I just stop here, he'll run me over and kill me. Yeah, I wanted to stop it. Right, kinda like us pretty close. From what this is the way I recollect it. But my mom kind of turned around. And finally, because I remember yanking me, like her turning around and like all Sunday is pulling me towards her. Like, I don't think she realized what was really what was going through my head. Right? It really recognized like, Oh, this is about to be bad. And but she Yeah. All right. My child is in danger.
Michele Baci:Yeah, her loud alarm system went off.
Steven:Yeah, yeah, cuz I was definitely just like, a couple paces behind her. And I just kind of just stopped right there in the middle of the street.
Michele Baci:vocalize that at all, like how depressed you are, like, suicidal.
Steven:I don't, I don't really I didn't really. I vocalize more how much I hated myself and how everything felt so hard and difficult. I definitely went through kind of like, stereotypical, you know, meltdowns, or like, for, like, the hardest thing I always had was like, essays of any kind essentially, like if I had to write something because I was had the hardest time like being a perfectionist with my writing and vernacular. So like, it felt like, just to write a simple sentence was so painstaking, because like, I didn't want to rewrite it, I have to be perfect. And so like, if I didn't, if I couldn't, like, have it laid out in my head, first who write it, it became a roadblock. And I would just hate myself. And then because my mom's like, you need to get it done. Then I go into, like, let's say a meltdown, because like, I know, it needs to get done. I know, I can't seem to figure out how to get from what's in my head onto the paper. And then, you know, it goes into a meltdown where I'm hitting myself in the face or in the head and we're banging my head on the desk or table. And you know, there's just that that self inflicted pain of you know, self discipline is like, You're an idiot, and you're dumb, and you can't do that. So you know, and I went through a lot of that through, mostly up until Middle School for the most part. So all elementary school was pretty difficult and pretty miserable for more times than not, I guess for the most part.
Michele Baci:Yeah, that's hard. Like, that's the time you're supposed to be free and like running around and doing stupid kid stuff.
Steven:Yeah, I mean, I had some friends. But, you know, we were pretty verbally nasty to each other. I mean, there was a lot of trash talking as kids at that point. And so, you know, you didn't really, you know, you weren't, you know, you just weren't really super nice to each other as kids. And, you know, I had finally, you know, more of a close niche, you know, like three friends and Larry are definitely a lot better with each other then, but just like, but we were never like in the same school till like in high school. But so like elementary school is like, still felt very disconnected from them. Because they went to a different elementary school. And then by time I went to middle school, high school, I was a year older than them anyway, I went to a different program. That was that's when everything got better, because it was a program specifically designed for kids with learning disabilities, it was down in Del Mar called the coastal Learning Academy. Yeah, and that's
Michele Baci:the right attention. Like,
Steven:that's really yeah, that was a big part of it was that they were able to these teachers were specifically trained to work with kids. I mean, there was like, like, six contracting comics. Yes, it was, they were like, 12 of us. Usually, so. And then. So like, they're like, mean, like two other middle schoolers, and the rest were high schoolers. And then in about high school, and we're kind of like, all together,
Michele Baci:that's where you would do like the full day of school.
Steven:Yeah, so it would end up being like, you do like two courses with them, like usually, like English or math, or like English and like, like a social science or whatever. And then like, your main core classes would be like, maybe another science class, your gym class, your history class, or whatever. And then you, then you go back to them, the front part of the day, and they just kind of sit you down and walk you through your your school for the day. And of course, these teachers were super educated, they like kind of like, could kind of cover everything that you're doing. And just kind of like break down where you're having problems, like the five is having problem with my, my structure of my essay than they could help me kind of just like, break it down to what exactly like, where I'm struggling, and just help me out a bit more.
Michele Baci:That's good, like preventing a future meltdown.
Steven:Yeah. And actually, the thing that I really liked about it was they had a behavioral therapist come in, like, every other week, and what was really great was like the doing, like the role playing and all that. Kind of going through the different scenarios of how to communicate with teachers, if you're having a difficult time and, you know, even with other students, so the role playing was a really, really big help.
Michele Baci:Was that like, a one on one with the behavioral therapists?
Steven:No, that was for like, the whole group of kids that were in that program.
Michele Baci:Okay, but it you still, like found it effective?
Steven:Yeah, yeah. Cuz we're helping each other, like, we're all playing with each other. So it's like, we're kind of learning off each other, because we all have our idiosyncrasies of No, we're having a hard time with it actually helped us to like gender. Because for the most part, we had pretty good, like friendships for the most part. And because we kind of like because we're in this group, like, okay, we all know that we're in here, because we're having difficulties, like, there was no bullying among each other. It was just it was more of an understanding and camaraderie. with it.
Michele Baci:Yeah. It's kind of nice to be in a classroom where everyone's like, kind of struggling in the same way where you're like, oh, everyone's trying to give us help for our specific like, issues. It's nice to have that attention put on you.
Steven:Yeah, definitely. I mean, that's just, you know, kind of comes down to it's just, you need that extra special attention. But, you know, it's unfortunately, it's like, it's just not there. Because, I mean, you got classes of 30 plus students now, and obviously, you just aren't trained to deal with kids on, you know, with any kind of learning disabilities. I mean, there's still an issue with asking
Michele Baci:the teacher like, you know, can you help these two kids who are unlike the other 28? And, you know, can you split your time?
Steven:Yeah, especially for how many more kids are being diagnosed with autism and, and even like, girls being like, not diagnosed away later, and, you know, and being looked over, because just because they're they the way autism works within them. It's just, you know, it's hard.
Amanda:Yeah, that's something I've been seeing a lot lately like girls who do have autism making videos about talking about how like, like, just you were saying, like, it presents differently in them so it wasn't really noticed and diagnosed in the same way.
Steven:Yeah, cuz they have more of a tendency, like being the shy girl essentially. But they're still struggling the same kind of academic processes that like say I like with with an essay, for example, but like, you know, where there's a guy because we have the physicality if we're still boys becoming men, you know, there's that need of exertion or expressing yourselves in a physical sense. Whereas like, like there's not like I said, there's only two girls in our program out of like the dozen of us. So I mean, if you think about the high ratio of you know, how many are actually were diagnosed then that was actually a lot. Yeah.
Michele Baci:Yeah, I've heard like, women gets diagnosed like way later, like, probably As they're becoming adults,
Steven:essentially, yeah, exactly that like by the time they're basically out of school, or they're fortunate enough to maybe like they might get diagnose and college, and then they can get some help when they're in college. But yeah, it's like they get missed a lot. I mean, it's like they're still realize like, the numbers are probably way lower or mean way higher than they initially estimated because the tools aren't necessarily there because like, how do you diagnose someone that has a hard time verbalizing? You know what's wrong?
Michele Baci:Yeah. How do you read their mind?
Steven:Exactly. They're like, Well, hopefully, you know, Ilan, Musk neural link thing will help with that. Maybe?
Michele Baci:Yeah, I'll send him a pin and be like, yo, how's it going? Find out the status. So, childhood was rough. Did you have like a therapist on your own?
Steven:No, we never. Cuz we Yeah, I never had one on one therapy as a kid. And it I mean, I just really had to rely on being as vocal to my teachers as possible, because like, that was kind of like, the only way cuz after because I left after I left that program, which was my, by time I went into my sophomore year, I ended up changing to the high school that I was actually like, right next to, they had finally teachers that, you know, had the same, essentially, the same kind of training had a very similar program. But you know, they didn't have the behavioral therapists, there was no behavioral therapy going on there. So it's just straight academic focus. From there's just like, I had to be as vocal as possible. But by then I had more like, I felt like the behavioral therapy that had to go through, like my meltdowns, for the most part pretty non existent. I was better voicing the problems I was having academically, so I could get, you know, the more focus of if I'm having a problem with a subject or a paper or a school project, making sure that I vocalized it. I really learned a lot of self advocacy, then.
Michele Baci:Yeah, that's important. I feel like I didn't have that as a kid. So I'm glad other kids are getting the tools they need. It's hard to like, I feel like it's hard for anyone to vocalize their struggles. So to learn that tool, where it's like, no speak up when you're, you know, having trouble writing an essay, or maybe some authority figures, like my kid freaks out whenever he has to write an essay, like, it's good that people intervene and help you.
Steven:Yeah, I mean, and it's something that's I've carried with me now as an adult, because I'm very open about my autism. Like, whenever I gone out for job interviews, I was very straightforward and honest about it. Like, hey, if I'm having a problem, like, this is what's going on. Like, I don't want to lose my job, but if you can be understanding and recognize what I'm going through, and, and just work with me with that, then you know, then I will be the best employee I can for you. And for the most part, it's benefited me. I mean, for now, like right now been a dog groomer for 10 years now. I did seven of them with PetSmart and last three with a small mobile grooming company. And
Michele Baci:like, he was like it then.
Steven:Yeah, I mean, it's, it's kind of, it's not my favorite thing in the world. It is a very hard job. I for most days, I definitely enjoy it. But you know,
Michele Baci:if you could do anything in the world, it wouldn't be dog grooming.
Steven:Yeah, no, it definitely wouldn't. It's um, it's a hard job physically, especially when you start dealing with the bigger dogs like bernese Mountain dogs, I have like, five that I do regularly and then like three other Great Pyrenees dogs I do regularly and a bunch of other like labs and shepherds that
Amanda:I have a friend with a Great Pyrenees and it's like How are you this large and this fluffy? Like there's so much going on there?
Steven:Yeah, there are a lot of dog
Unknown:I could not do that job.
Michele Baci:Sounds like a lot of physical stuff.
Steven:Yeah, I'm always I was always surprised cuz like one of the first lines of like three girls are like super petite like easily just only five foot and like they would handle those big dog like no problems. They were like like rough and tough and girls like they didn't play good dogs getting done I don't care injured it's so it's been an interesting being in dog grooming because like you have to have a certain level of crazy to keep up.
Michele Baci:What do you like? What do you like the best about it?
Steven:It's because it's still kind of part creativity and technique. So you know, when you get to do a fun groom and more of like, the technical groom's like working on like a cocker spaniel or like a Westie or a poodle, like when you have like, because to me my birth rate for my mind because like, okay, these are the rules of the groom. These are the parameters and once you learn the technique to be within it, it feels like easy. So it's like it's a process and that was a challenge at first but I learned to find my my rhythm my process my step so that way like how I function within it because like at first it was kind of hard to figure out. How it needed to get done because like, there's so many things going on, and let alone a salon, like you're taking phone calls, you're checking in and checking out dogs and something sometimes you're doing that for other people. And you know, and then I eventually just became, you know, pretty quick. And I, you know, became pretty good. I mean, I think I'm pretty good. But like, I'll do you know, like, I could easily do eight 910 dogs, you know, in a salon. And then even now, like as a mobile groomer, I'll still do like seven or eight a day.
Michele Baci:Wow. It's a lot of dogs to make look nice.
Steven:Yeah, I think the most ever did during Christmas was around 14. And today.
Amanda:Wow. I wonder what the Guinness World Record is. Most dogs groomed in a 24 hour period?
Steven:Yeah, that'd be Yeah, that'd be a good one. Yeah.
Unknown:It could be you.
Steven:Maybe I almost got on. I don't know if I'm still under the nondisclosure agreement. But I was I was. I'm allegedly not under a nondisclosure agreement. But hot dog that they have on the HV MTV HBO max. It's a dog grooming competition that they have on there. I almost got on it. Like, we were in the talks. And they said they liked me. But then, you know, COVID happen at the worst time. They're ready to like, Okay, it looks like we're probably gonna have you come up, and then I got ghosted by the producers. And then like, months later, all of a sudden, I'm seeing an ad for the show. And I'm like, ah, they totally didn't want me.
Michele Baci:Hopefully, the producer just got COVID you know,
Steven:I had to direct numbers, so they just never called me back. All right. No shame. Yeah. You know, it's still a competition. It's also a reality show. So it's like, you know, I was I was even used my autism as the catch the hook for it. Like, oh, yeah, we can emphasize this. And because like every, you know, competition show, you know, America's Got Talent or whatever, they'll have that sob story kind of thing that they want to hook people into, like, artistic rumor on. They're like, Oh, am I gonna win money? I'm gonna, I'll milk it.
Michele Baci:You can always take your social media and be like, you know, become the autistic groomer. Making your own.
Steven:Yeah, it's just uh, I've actually it's been fun cuz I've actually tried a few times like on Reddit where I stream some of my grooms. And like the most I have, like 10,000 people, I guess were like watching me groom a dog. That's
Michele Baci:a lot of people. That is wild. That is
Amanda:you should do like Instagram lives and stuff, too.
Steven:Yeah, I thought about it's like, it's just sucks because like the error and despite like some of the high end clients that I deal with, they have like the worst cellphone reception for streaming. Like I have this place I have so much money but it's that's what it is. They want to be secluded and away from what also they're like. But it's just yeah, it's just the people it Yeah, people because I mean, so many dogs have been adopted, which has been super awesome. Like having these animal shelters like being empty. But the problem is, like a lot of people don't realize like how especially any dog that not a chihuahua anything like rose for like a poodle or anything. How high maintenance and how expensive it gets to maintain them.
Unknown:Yeah, yeah. Do you have any pets of your own?
Steven:Yeah, we might actually have one scratching me right now. I have a we have two cats, my wife and I and then my sister and I share a dog essentially cuz we bought a property together. And so we have a lab Sheba a new mix, she just roamed around the property just doing her thing.
Michele Baci:That's so cute. And Amanda and I before you sign on, we were talking about buying a house. So can you tell us like how was your house buying journey?
Steven:That was actually interesting. Cuz, you know, my wife and I, you know, we've bounced around, you know, with apartments. So, you know, we're really blessed because my dad was so supportive. And he's been like, super awesome. Like, he has a whole crazy backstory between my mom and him. And they've been divorced for since I was 15. But But just as a person, like he's had such an exponential growth. And like, he just made sure that you know, we live in California super expensive. And my sister had a house that was like getting expensive. Yeah, it was just like this the stupid mortgages what they're usually you know, adjustable interest rates or whatever that they're having. So we were able to find a property where she Yeah, yeah, yeah, we found a property and she was able to we she kept the main house because it was perfect for them because it was you know, four bedrooms or whatever. And so she has two kids. And then what we didn't end up doing we ended up taking the other half of their property and my dad helped us financially to just build a small little apartment like a 700 square foot like cottage apartment thing for my wife and I were just perfect for us. And so we just like Alright, we split now the mortgage in half and you know, we have actually really incredibly affordable so it's like it was a process because we waiting and like being right there waiting for to be built was like oh my god we want to be in our own place. But we were on top of each other for like two years. So you know this four bedroom thing but with like six adults going on and you know two kids. It was like oh, on top of each other, so it's like, Oh, you guys were all living together before we're all living in the original house while waiting for my place, my wife's my place to get built. So you're dealing with, you know, my wife having to be with my sister, you know, like that in law thing. And, and my dad was staying with us kept running into stuff. So, you know, that was, you know, really interesting having to, you know, navigate that so that we're not, you know, irritating each other because it was, you know, two years a long time waiting for it to get built, just working around each other. Because, you know, she's got two kids. And so that was like, an interesting thing of,
Michele Baci:yeah, I mean, like, Godspeed to you. I don't know how you did that. Is it easier now? I mean, you guys share walls still, right?
Steven:No, that was the awesome part. So we have like a pretty good middle, yardage space. So we're pretty, like we're on our own. Like they have like, it's got our properties really cool because they have a street that they park all their cars and are the other end of property where we can drive up. So we have like, we can be as private and secluded from each other from each other as we want. Or we can you know, just literally walk you know, 30 feet to our to the, you know, their front door and then like, hey, let's have dinner together.
Michele Baci:Yeah, that's nice. It sounds like you're pretty family oriented. I don't think I could live that close to my family.
Steven:Yeah, it's a gamma and my mom's literally on the other side of the freeway. So she's super close by too. So yeah, it's been Yeah, it's nice, because especially with COVID happening, it's like, you know, it helped a lot with us. Because like, and that was an interesting thing with me. It's like everyone's scaned depression, being locked down having to work from home. It's like, I'm kind of used to this being secluded or whatever. I know. I'm fine with it. Having to go see people but you know, yeah, the advantage of like, Okay, if we don't see each other for a little bit, we just give each other space and we can just, you know, have dinner every now and then and like okay, that we have that interpersonal interaction.
Michele Baci:Yeah, your COVID pot is built in.
Steven:Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we were kind of Doomsday ready a little bit.
Michele Baci:Not bad. Amanda, do you think you can live next door to your family?
Amanda:Um, Phil's my boyfriend's name is Phil and his mom will always send us homes for sale that are like on the same block. And she'll kind of be like, haha, just kidding. And I'm like, I don't think she's kidding.
Unknown:I don't think so. I
Michele Baci:think especially parents, they want you to write right next to them. Yeah, yeah. And
Amanda:she she kind of she's like, Oh, yeah, not that I'd be totally annoying or anything. So
Unknown:she
Steven:Everybody Loves Raymond situation.
Unknown:Oh, my God.
Michele Baci:I mean, the comedy was there. But like, do you want that to be your life? I don't know. Because you're living next to your sister. Really? She's probably like, cool.
Steven:Yeah, my sister's pretty cool. And then, you know, she she's very much a social person. Like she like she has a very open door policy with like her friends. Like I could, like, she'll just people just start showing up. Like, she's a very social person. And it's kind of funny, because my brother in law, he's awesome, though. But he's also he's more he's a lot like me and my wife were definitely more of like, we'll keep to ourselves a bit more.
Unknown:Yeah, I don't know. Like,
Steven:you're on your way. Yeah.
Michele Baci:Going locked down forever. And that sounds fine.
Steven:Yeah, my wife like she gets to work from home. She has to drive 45 minutes plus to go to work. She's like, Oh, okay. I'll work from home.
Amanda:more of your time back.
Steven:Yeah, you're you're saving, you know, an hour and a half, two hours, easily of like, not, because you're not even like to think about getting up getting ready having breakfast. And then, you know, picking out your outfits.
Michele Baci:Yeah. Like, I feel like my personal grooming has declined, but I don't have to drive. So I'll take the trade off. Do you want to so as a person with autism, do you like have a specific hobby that you love doing? Say No, you're a photographer?
Steven:Yeah, actually, there's two that I'm doing a lot right now. And well, one I should say dropped off because it was the photography, I really loved photography. And I ended up started doing wedding photography, which was very interesting thing to get into, especially with autism. And I have very high stress scenario of eight hours on your toes, looking for those magical inter personal moments, especially cuz you're like trying to read body language you're trying to, you know, you're trying to capture emotion. So it's like, an interesting kind of, kind of just finding it with, you know, through my eyes in my mind, like, okay, what's happening here, and I just, I like that. And I also like going out into the street photography and just kind of doing still life and you know, looking around and seeing different things, or just even doing landscape photography, I love to do. So I always found it relaxing, but when I do weddings, I really like it because it's like, I like the high energy and everyone's happy. That's like the main reason I like it's like it not depressing to be there. It's like everyone's super happy. Yes, people are stressed, but it's like, such a happy day that like it's hard for it to like really go bad.
Michele Baci:That's true.
Steven:Yeah, and then The other thing I do a lot of right now is archery. I'm super into archery and I've kind of done it because we have property so I love archery range here at the house. So I'm able to do that and, and that's been like a lot of fun because I like the whole Zen ness of getting into the shot skill slot like off cuz I do golfing, golfing a lot as a kid because my dad was super into it. And Tiger Woods was ginormous when I was kid. And so I was like, oh, okay, I'll have my son duck. So, so like, between those things, like as just like, like, the, like the simplicity of it, in a sense, because you're just you're super focused on one task. Like, it's just very Zen like, and just you're, you're not thinking about anything else, because you're just executing this shot. So let's, uh, yes, I like those things, because it's just yours. Just focus.
Michele Baci:Get in the zone. Yeah,
Steven:yeah, it's just Yeah, you're able to drown everything out. And just yeah, just thinking of thinking the simple process of lining up your stance, pulling back and just you're not even really thinking about aiming to you're just kind of holding your hand and hovering it there. And then you just kind of slowly go into the shot. And it's just like that whole moment of like, five seconds to just, like, just quiet. Whereas like, any other time of the day, it's like, my brain is going on with all these other ideas going on. So it's like when I do especially archery, like, that's another reason why I like it's just, it's like my little, little bit of time where it's like, things are just calm and quiet.
Michele Baci:Yeah, so do you How often do you practice it?
Steven:Um, a lot right now. Like when I'm when I lost work for like, month and a half when COVID first happened last year. It's like, every day I was out there for like, a couple hours. But now it's like I'll do about a half hour to an hour. Almost like, like at least three times a week. Okay. Yeah, routine? Not as much as I'd like. But yeah, it's still enough.
Michele Baci:It's like your your version of yoga.
Unknown:Yeah, exactly. Very nice.
Michele Baci:Have you always been into photography? Or was that like, as you got older?
Steven:Oh, I definitely had kids. It's probably gonna be cheesy. And I've actually posted on probably I can, I don't know if you recognize it. But Nigel Barker from America's Next Top Model. One of the photographer model, guys.
Unknown:Oh, yeah.
Steven:I love the show when it first came on. Because I love the photography aspect. I love the idea of the whole the sets being built and these creative ideas, and
Michele Baci:it's so exciting on top model.
Steven:Yeah. And it's like, it's kind of a you see YouTubers that are like in a makeup or fashion or whatever. Reviewing old episodes America suck model and they're like, this is abuse that they've been doing.
Michele Baci:I mean, I don't think Tyra Banks would be easy to work with.
Steven:Yeah, and especially you see some of the ways he kind of treated some of the girls were like, that would be a definitely a situation of maybe of a lawsuit. It was. It was a there was there are some harsh they were harsh to them sometimes. So. But yeah, like looking back. I mean, I mean, that was it. I mean, that was a reality show. And then they're trying to get drama for the show. And you kind of understand that, but I mean, I was a kid then. So I mean, I've watched the seasons actually like probably a couple times through with my wife even because we also live like Project Runway. And we'll watch that together. I just love creative shows like that. So those are like shows we kind of lean towards
Amanda:Yeah, my boyfriend and I watch RuPaul drag race together.
Steven:Oh, yeah. I love Oh, yeah. We loved like, Gordon Ramsay shows because we love cooking. I love the creative dishes and yeah, the display of them and and so like, we just love anything like with a creative outlet. We really like this. That's why I really wanted to do the HBO show because yeah, it'd be so much fun because their idea was to do they explained it to me they wanted it to be like, what was that show on Netflix? It was I'm
Michele Baci:like you're dying to compete for us for something
Steven:Yeah, they nailed it. They kind of started they want it like oh
Michele Baci:my god nailed it is great cut but they want to call buyer
Steven:and they were very adamant they wanted to like they want to see your best grooming like they want to see these cool because if you I highly recommend people look it up is look up Google creative dog grooming it is the coolest thing because these are competitions for dog groomers. Because there's a few big expos. Well, not right now. But there were expos of dog grooming conference this year there will be again, hopefully very soon, where they literally make the dogs look like completely different things like they become works of art leave. Some of the big winners have done me like one dog was like a buffalo. And they usually use standard poodles. And then they had one where it looked like like different characters of Muppets. They had like a pirate theme and like I just highly recommend anyone Google creative dog grooming competition, like you're gonna see like the coolest wildest poodles and doodles and dogs like they died and they're cut and they're looking really, really awesome.
Michele Baci:Especially next time you're craving some cute animal pictures.
Steven:Well, and it's kind of funny because some people when they see that because I'm obviously friends like a lot of documents like on Facebook. So every now and They post like links to these, like really cool, like creative dog grooming things. Like if they've done like leopard print or whatever. There's always someone's like, oh, you're abusing the animals like no, the animal loves it cuz it's getting so much attention in love right now.
Michele Baci:Like, I'm sure you can gauge how the animals feeling like, they don't really hide their feelings.
Steven:They're not depressed, they're always wagging. They're like, Oh, they're petting me, they love me. They know. Like, it's really rare where a dog is like, this sucks. I mean, every dog is different dogs have personalities, too. So it's like, you know, your dog know your animal. And, you know, if it doesn't like it, then obviously don't do it again. It was like, we're not harming and we're not using anything toxic or harmful. I mean, so it's just, you know, like, like, we're professionals, like, we're not doing anything to hurt these animals.
Michele Baci:There's always gonna be people out there trying to be like, lawyers or police, you're like,
Steven:Yeah, I was actually kind of the hardest part when I was first learning to dog grooming because, like, a lot of them don't like being groomed. Because it's, it's a, you know, it's a loud, noisy process. And, you know, you're trying to force an animal to be still were using sharp objects around it's, you know, face and eyes and, and feet, where it's like, no accidents do happen. I mean, I can even admit, you know, I had issues where, when I first started because I was brand new, you know, learning to handle the animal properly and safely. You know, you're gonna, you know, you're gonna give them a little cutter scratch. I've fortunately never had anything too crazily drastic. But you know, you know, a little cut on the air you know, the tongs because dogs are licking their, you know, their nose all the time. So it was hard to figure out like, how do you get stop looking at yourself? Yeah.
Michele Baci:So thing to tell an animal?
Steven:Yeah, exactly. You learned just just gotta blow on their nose, and then quickly, like trim around their mouth. Because like, keep their tongue in their face. Like, you got to learn these little tricks, though. Like the guy would do this as safe as possible. That's cute.
Unknown:distract them for a second and just get that one snip in.
Steven:Yeah. Oh my gosh, yeah. Especially when the mouse become like, super focused on like, I gotta get that hair. That one's out of place.
Michele Baci:You have like this eye for detail. You can apply it to your job.
Steven:Yeah. Yeah. Well, that was probably the hard part of learning, too. You need to learn when to move on. Because you become to focus on one little thing. It's like, where you have
Michele Baci:you cut that one hair? But what about the rest of them?
Steven:Exactly. So like you had to learn the combination of like, it's good enough? of like, yes, you you have to be confident what you've already done. So you can be done in a timely manner. The time it was hard.
Michele Baci:Have you learned that as a creative person? It's it's almost impossible. Yeah,
Steven:yeah, that's the heart is it gets harder, especially with mobile grooming, because you're even on a like a tighter schedule. Because like with the salon, that was the big advantage of like, people are leaving their dog with you for like, almost, you know, three hours. So you can kind of go back and forth between multiple dogs because you're usually like, what to have like two or three dropped off at once. So you can kind of like, if the dog needs a break, give it a break work on the next one. Whereas with mobile grooming is like you're there, you have to get it done right away. There's no break in between, but they most acts like the mobile grooming more I would say because you know, there's no other dogs there to stress them out. There's just one on one, it's a lot quieter. Because you're not dealing with the other dogs barking and the dryers going and you know, the groomers and the phone and so it's generally I would say happier. Yeah, I would say in general. Most dogs definitely will, like prefer probably a mobile groomer over go into a shop, especially if they're, you know, don't like being there in a cage for like three to four hours. Oh,
Amanda:so do you drive to the dogs house and then do it like right in front of their house?
Steven:Yep. Yeah, we just flipped to the curb or driveway and we have the van. That's like a big Sprinter van. So it's like all at once. Like there's a 50 gallon water tank and we have a tub in the back and then they have like an L shaped tub under the table and then they have a dryer in the cabinets. And so yeah, it's like it's all right in there. Yeah, really awesome. Probably makes the dog feel pretty special. Like you should. Yeah, it's just one on one. Yeah, no other distractions except for like, there's a few dogs I do where it's like, there's a bonded pair like they're inseparable. So both of them have to go in their
Michele Baci:therapy dog for the therapy dog.
Steven:Yeah, so pretty dogs like we get Yeah, I was like when I worked at PetSmart we had only one CNI dog come in really regularly. And then like you still see like a lot of like, service animals like usually like for someone who has like PTSD. I think we had one client who was open about they had dogs that could sniff out the blood sugar for diabetes. Oh, wow. And then a lot of emotional support animals
Unknown:getting ready with the air quotes.
Steven:Yeah, because there were some that were like the put it politely. They just wanted to have their dog with them at all times. But they definitely weren't real emotional support animals. I mean, that was that cleaning to a dog there. They needed emotional support. The animal was not trained for it.
Michele Baci:Yeah, it's like, I don't know if the dog can give you everything you need. If it's helping someone, it doesn't hurt anyone, I guess.
Steven:Yeah, the only time I get a little irritate is when they bring him into stores because it becomes
Michele Baci:the dog strollers.
Steven:Actually don't even mind that per se. It's when they're in carts, because they can't be dangerous for the dog. Or they're walking around. Because it I mean, if they're not, you know, emotional, I hope people realize like, an emotional support animal is legally not allowed in a grocery store or in a restaurant,
Unknown:right? Yeah.
Michele Baci:Okay, is that right? They can they?
Steven:Yeah, they, if they're not gonna say anything, for the most part, but realistically, they can kick you out immediately. The only thing that's loud is obviously an actual service animal or actually, therapy, therapy. therapy. dogs aren't even allowed only certain genuine service animals or service dogs. Well, I should say service animals, because I've seen seen horses and other pigs and stuff like that. So there are animals that can be trained to work as service animals.
Unknown:Yeah. Oh, my God.
Steven:Yeah, they're insanely intelligent. Wow. So but yeah, like, just emotional, or animals? Like, I think a big reason people do is because you can get that certification that lets them take them on an airplane. So they don't have to put them in the cargo bay. And I get that. But it's like, stop taking them into restaurants and stuffing into supermarkets because it is like a health issue. Because like dog for gets, you know, food, you know? It's gonna fly everywhere.
Michele Baci:Yeah, not everyone likes dogs. And then like, I don't, I don't want to socialize with random dogs. So I would rather have fewer of them in my grocery store.
Steven:Yeah, it's just so it's like, oh, people, please like just leave them at home. Don't need that taken into the grocery store with you just be reasonable. I can't leave him locked in my car, then don't take it out of the house.
Amanda:Right? Leave it in the nice air conditioned house.
Steven:So yeah, that's my only gripe with like, any kind of like, it's just like emotional support animals, like, just leave my home? Well, yeah. Because the brain issues like then like, if you have like, they bring them in the stores. And then they become a real problem. Then like any person with a legitimate service animal, they might get harassed by the staff of a store. And they're like, not realizing really what the differences is like, they might have an actual service animal that's super trained, but not a problem. But obviously, like if, let's say it's a health code issue, then oh, like they think that because there's a dog here, even though it's a service animal, it needs to go because of the health code issue. Because we've had to kick other dogs out because they were problematic. Like, let's say they had like a Yorkie or whatever. Yeah, now that person is legally allowed to be in there with the service animal. But because now that let's say a store, please had an issue before with just a regular emotional support animal, they just gonna kick up everything without being, you know, they are probably gonna be ignorant as to the laws like the American Disability Act. So they're not realizing they might be violating someone's rights and becomes an issue. That's why
Michele Baci:do you need emotional support at a restaurant? I don't know. I don't know if you really need that.
Steven:Yeah, it's like, you don't need to have your little Yorkie right there in your purse right next to you while you're eating your steak. You know,
Amanda:right. I feel like you can tell the difference though, between like a legitimate service animal, because they're like, they're at work. They're doing their job lessons. They're not like being cute. They're and they usually have the vest on them. That's like, please don't pat me.
Steven:Yeah, they're super attentive, like they know they're doing a job because it's like the seeing eye dog, for example that we used to work on. I wish I could remember his name, but he was a big, burly yellow lab. He soon as that harness came off, he knew he'd be playful with us the salon, he knew he was on break essentially, then and he's hopping like he would literally hop any hop and then like, he gets picked up, he's hopping out and as soon as that harness goes on, boom, he's in work mode. Wow. Like they they know and that's the thing to the sexes, like these harnesses that say Don't touch me or lift their service animals they can be bought on eBay so it's like you really have to Yeah, it's like you don't ever really see a service Yorkie or service Chihuahua animal it's you know, you see the animals that are larger and that are actually have moderate more intelligence and discipline so that's why you generally see a lab or even golden doodles to
Michele Baci:the Chihuahuas just don't work as hard
Amanda:in their heads or like this big big for their brains be yeah I'm sorry all two hours
Michele Baci:for all my travel listeners I apologize.
Unknown:There are little rodents though. They are I've only met annoying
Steven:Yeah, they can I have a few good ones that I do. Excuse me they do regularly but um, yeah, it's pretty rare to find like a super good one. Because they there they have their personalities like I usually have no problem with like like, I always say the bigger they are, the sweeter they are. Those like they just get super sweet like all way like I do, let's, despite how hard they are to work on, I love all my big breeds because that I do because they're just they're all super sweet and they're just, you know, they're just they're big. And they take longer, but they're all steak
Michele Baci:hearts.
Steven:Yeah. And because it's just, you know, I've never had an issue of getting bit by any of my big dog breeds, even people's like, it's always the little guys that I've always like, had to be cautious with.
Michele Baci:Yeah, got it. Um, so to bring it back to autism, I was gonna ask you, did you watch love on the spectrum?
Steven:I did. It was really interesting. Because I was like I was, it didn't really tell me what, like, Where are these guys from and like, oh, they're Australia. And it says, like, it's interesting to see the dating culture like for them, because I would definitely like to see that done in different countries, like, I would love to see it done in England, I would love to see it done in the States and other countries, because to see like, the social, not just the social norms, but also the cultural, the different cultural differences of, you know, where they're dating and how they're doing it. Because it because it was really interesting how they interacted with, because it was like the one couple that my wife and I
Michele Baci:seriously, I think like everyday, grand epic plan, that restaurant they went to is like, the nicest restaurant.
Steven:Yeah, cuz I mean, that's what they're, you know, they're doing they're kind of like, they're really kind of thinking, you know, like, like that planning process. Because they want to be in a relationship, they want affection, they want a relationship. So, you know, there's this planning of thinking of like, okay, we're gonna do this, they'll love this. And then, you know, sometimes it's a little, you know, over the top, and again, like some of the interactions, like you, you know, I kind of thought about, like, oh, like, my friendships with some of the kids. Like, when I was in high school in that program, you know, it's like, you know, that ability to interact with each other, and recognizing our disabilities, like, tapers, I wish I could remember her name. But one of the pairs that went out when she had more, when she got super excited, she kind of basically started dancing around. And then the other gentleman, he kind of started doing itself. And then she was quick to, she thought that she was being mocked essentially by him. And it was just a simple misunderstanding. He thought, you know, she's having fun, she starts dancing. And so he wanted to kind of, and that's kind of like a thing with autistic people will do is like, they do that mimicking, like, oh, you're doing it. So this is socially acceptable. So I want to do it. So we can have a connection. And unfortunately, it worked. It didn't work on his favorite because she thought she was being hot. Because it part of her disability is that's how she exerts herself of, you know, expressing herself, you know, through her autism. And so, like, there was like that, like, unfortunate misconnection, I would put it. And so it's like, it's, you know, it's already difficult learning to, for an autistic person to just be socially acceptable to a neurotypical person. Now you're dealing with someone that, you know, isn't, and they have their, again, their own idiosyncrasies or something that you know, you know, their history, their, you know, backstory where, you know, a bullying or something pretty known that probably happened her maybe like someone she liked, or had a friend would mock her over her autism and how she acted sometimes where she got excited. But you know, she so for her, probably, she just, she didn't recognize that, oh, he's just trying to copy me because, you know, he's trying to be draw that connection as a person. And so, you know, it's harder in it's just, it's just harder for autistic of angels to you know, gain those relationships.
Michele Baci:Yeah, it felt like it was a little heartbreaking to see social accuse misread or like something go wrong. And you're like, oh, but you know, they think this might be their future spouse, like, they're really placing a lot of expectations on this date. And then you see that little coach come in the hippie lady. Like, I don't know what her qualifications were like, she was just there to like, listen to them.
Steven:Yeah, she, she didn't really get where she came from. I mean, my understand was, like, she, I think she had a background in behavioral therapy, or at least behavioral.
Michele Baci:She definitely specialized, like autistic client.
Amanda:relationship. Love specifically. That was interesting.
Steven:Yeah, that was the, the defining of what love meant to them. And like, how, how they, you know, how they process that concept of love, especially in a relationship. So that yeah, that's what I found. It was interesting. And, you know, I mean, my wife is like, I mean, I, when I was growing up, I by the time I was starting, and I was like, I never thought I would get married, because
Michele Baci:I listened to your podcast a bit. And you said you got married pretty young, right? Yeah, I
Steven:got married. We were 20 years old. Oh, wow. And now we're gonna be married. We're coming up on 12 years. So
Unknown:that's such a long time. Congrats.
Steven:Thank you. And so you know, I mean, yeah, it's just to me, because like, I always thought my autism would be like, if I brought it up, it's automatically going to be a roadblock. It's automatically going to be like a deal breaker. And so I kind of just, I never really thought you know, by time like, I Have you been interested in really dating because I hadn't really thought about dating after high school. I mean, I had, I had crushes, of course. But you know, the concept of a natural, a serious relationship, like the idea concept of marriage mate, a partner was like, didn't seem feasible to me. So it wasn't really something in the forefront as much as I wanted to, like, again, like, I wanted to have that connection with someone. And I wanted to have that, you know, reciprocated love. It's just, it just seemed like it probably wouldn't happen because of my autism. Because like it is, what a habit, you know, like, yeah, Whoever marries me is gonna have to deal with it. And it's like, you know, will that eventually could that potentially turn them away?
Amanda:When did you start to realize that like, it could be different with your current wife like that you could like, have this like long relationship with her and then really, like, be like, Whoa, like, I can marry her. Like,
Michele Baci:are you like people in the shower where you were like, before I even met, I will meet my future wife at the speed dating event. I'm like,
Steven:Oh, I loved him. I thought him and the girl was I wish I could remember. I'm so bad with names like this worse.
Michele Baci:I only remember Michael's name.
Steven:The Girl with the short hair, my wife and I was like, Oh, she reminds me Snow White. It seemed like they were perfect together. And for whatever reason, it didn't work out. I was so bombed. Like, oh, that was like the couple that should have been.
Amanda:Yeah, that's like they went to the convention together.
Steven:Yeah, like all the love cosplay. They both like collectible toys and like, all their perfect and that just like that they just didn't sync Right. Right.
Michele Baci:Cuz he he had the high expectations of I want me my future wife. And then she was like, I'm currently having a panic attack. So like, it's not matchup,
Steven:the camera, the cameras being there to help. I think that was the problem more than anything. Yeah, it was like, you know, like, how many people you know, takes what took probably three or four cameras watching you for hours? With or we're talking about my wife and I
Michele Baci:yeah, did you did you set expectations before you like went on your first date with your wife? or How did you guys meet it?
Steven:Well, there wasn't really expectations because for us, we actually just we started really as friends and acquaintances. So like we were friends for like a good year. Before I was like, You know what, this is a person that I know I respect I recognize the qualities of who she is as a person. And I really liked them and I would like to get her to know our deeply. So we just started friends. Like we went like a first hand we hung out was at a at a concert and we just you know we Okay, so here's mutual music. Actually, like this probably the corniest part, like I always talk about, like how I got her phone number.
Michele Baci:I got her phone number. Somehow I had to
Steven:get her phone number. We went with a group of friends. I had accidentally left my phone in my jacket pocket that was in the trunk. And we're listening to music and like, oh, who's this band? And of course, she knew automatically like, Oh, I know who it is like, I'm never gonna remember that. Can you text me that band name so I can move? Well, that's how I got her phone number. Is this like that first time and when we hung out, it was like, Okay, now I got her phone number if you like. So that was Yeah, a little corny. Like how I got. That's funny. And then, yeah, just moving on with just like it was more concerts and then just, you know, mutual friends hanging out going to the beach or whatever, and just, you know, going to Disneyland and
Michele Baci:so you guys went on,
Steven:like adventures together? Yeah, yeah, it's just it just started out with just just mutual interests, which, you know, which eventually led to my time, we were ready to like, where at least I was ready to ask her. Like, like, okay, we have a lot of interests. So it's not just a vanity at this point. Like, there's like, an actual kind of a foundation of, you know, of interest and interaction where we had to go off of, and then from there went really fast because we had, you know, tradition, very traditional, if she lived with her grandparents, and they're kind of old school and kind of my mom too. So it was like, wait time we were like, ready to like, seriously, dang, cuz we've been friends for so long. We're like, we're like, you know, when I told her to, like when we first like when we finally went out for like a real date. Like I told her like an hour, because I knew I didn't ever really brought it up that I had autism. And she wanted, you know, this was essentially our first days like, if you know, want to continue dating, you know, you should look into it. And if this is something you think you can have in your life, because I don't want to waste your time. And that's like,
Michele Baci:I think that's admirable to do that in the first date. But also, like terrifying to be like, here's a bomb, I'm dropping on you, like, look into this, see if you can handle it.
Steven:Yeah. And you know, to her because she just she's known me as a purposes like, I never knew you had autism. So that like, Yeah, but it's, you know, there's there and so like, I want her to be as prepared as possible. And it's like, essentially, it's like, yeah, I can accept you for that. I mean, I know who you are like, you know, we've kind of had casuals, you know, there was no being upfront. There's no fakery with me. There's no fakery with her. Because there was, it wasn't necessary to begin with, because like, I'm not trying to win her heart from the first moment. I saw her. So I'm putting up this facade. It was genuine the whole time. Exactly. And so, you know, she did her own little research and looked into it. And she was like, yeah, and then we just kind of started seriously dating and then, you know, after we talked, you know, grandparents to my mom and all that. It's like, Well, you know, if you're gonna be serious about this, why don't you guys get married? And we're like, okay, so like, three months after,
Michele Baci:like, the elders made you think about marriage?
Steven:Yeah. A little bit more like, yeah, yeah. It's like, Why? You know, it's like, we have this great year of, I don't know how long people typically date. But like, basically, after three months of officially dating, I asked her to marry me, I would say,
Michele Baci:really fast.
Steven:That was really bad. It was official dating. And then
Michele Baci:we didn't know each other before. It's like, there was like, a courtship kind of
Steven:Yeah, exactly. And then three months later, we were married, you know, we had, it was really awesome. Because we had so much support from friends and family, like we found as we tried, well, originally, we thought we're gonna keep it tiny like to, like, 30 people end up being like, 250 people, but we have a lot of help of, you know, finding, you know, for us, because we know, we're young and we don't have you know, great money. But you know, me, you know, got help with finding a, you know, reasonable venue. And our friend of ours that was a wedding photographer who actually got me into wedding photography, did her shot our wedding photos. And, you know, we had one of my mom's friends, she's like a grandma, to me, she baked us our special little wedding cake to have like, carrot cake for me. And then we had another friend who did like the main tear thing. So we had the nice cake for the cake cutting and it's just really, really nice, because we have such a, you know, involvement of friends and family. And so it felt really, really special to have that, of like that our community that people who loved us, like, that supported us to have, you know, like, these are two great people. So like, let's let's all support as best we can. And, you know, it just turned out to be really awesome wedding that we thought was gonna be super tiny.
Michele Baci:Yeah, I guess when every light is green, and your family's like do this. You're like, Okay, I guess I'll do it.
Steven:And then yeah, here we are. 12 years later.
Michele Baci:Awesome. Success Story.
Steven:So far, we're, we call it everyday. We're together like new high score.
Michele Baci:That's funny. There was never like a moment of doubt where you were like, well, this work is happening so fast.
Steven:No, no, there really never was a moment of doubt. In my head. It was like, cuz it's just like, again, I just fall back. Like there was no faking with each others. Like we we were always genuine with each other. Like, I was like, Okay, I liked her like that. I like her. She is like, I don't need to show changing. You know, her. I don't need to
Michele Baci:you we're in sending each other like filtered pictures or anything? No. Oh.
Amanda:Did that exist back then? Yeah, no,
Steven:no, like, oh, man phones, either. iPhone was still new.
Unknown:Yeah,
Michele Baci:you avoided a lot of internet. Like, mistakes that could happen.
Steven:Yeah, we definitely. Yeah, we didn't have to deal with the filters. And we didn't have to deal with like, weird Facebook posts and changing having to worry about our relationship status online.
Unknown:That's good. I, I'm
Michele Baci:out of questions. Amanda, do you have any questions?
Amanda:Um, yeah, I'm kind of interested in like, I noticed that you say like, I'm an autistic person. When I work in like public programs. in museums, we're always like in trainings where it's like, you have to use person first language in order to be respectful. So like, if I were to say it'd be a person with autism, rather than autistic person, and then I was like, this guy's saying autistic person. Like, I was wondering if you have any thoughts on like, the language around how people refer to autism or other disabilities?
Steven:Yeah, I think in this kind of probably just me because I think I would just recommend anyone who's curious about you know, well, autistic individuals. I love Reddit because they being the the aminated am an entity anonymous ness of it? Because especially I feel like I
Michele Baci:think you got the word, right. Okay.
Steven:You're able to be a little bit more honest and open about, you know, how you identify yourself. And so I think the subreddit groups are really awesome for that. So the autism, Asperger's and ASD are really great for seeing you know, the identity especially because you're gonna get an array of ages on there, you're gonna see there's kids and teenagers and adults and even people like in their 40s and 50s that go on there that recently got diagnosed even and then seeing how they are Like using the vernacular of how they choose to identify themselves with autism. So it's like for me, I would, I would never like to put a blanket statement or blanket idea over the subculture of people with autism, or anyone with even learning disabilities. So, for me, it's kind of like I am who I am. And I just happened to have autism. That's why I kind of always I'm just a guy with autism. It's not my defining attribute. It's not the thing that controls me or is the the dominating factor of my life. But it is there and I acknowledge it.
Michele Baci:Yeah, it's like a subset of who you are. You're like, I am Stephen. First. Yeah. I have autism also.
Steven:Yeah, exactly. So yeah, it's kind of interesting. So it seems like with younger generations, kind of growing up with it, they're kind of it does seem to some of them are, you know, you'll see the vernacular gone either way. And you mean, it's kind of like with the whole issues of pronouns, like, just right, ask them how they prefer and let's just be kind to each other. At that point. It's not the biggest deal in the world. But I think also too, sometimes even autistic individuals need to learn not to freak out over it, either. It's just, you know, if you can be genuine, that it's coming from a place of respect and and being asked, then, just then, you know, you, then you're building those connections. And that's what's really more important. It's like, you know, if you want to be honest on front, then let's have that honest. And dialogue.
Michele Baci:Yeah, that's a good comparison to pronouns, too. Because it's like, well, the best way to find out how someone, you know, chooses to go by, like, just ask them.
Steven:Yeah, well, that's like what I mean like Asperger's? Well, some of them do not like that at all anymore. So basically want it to be, you know, like, that. Should be like a, like a vulgar word. Like, I should be a four letter word, it should not refer.
Michele Baci:They don't like they don't want.
Steven:They don't like that. Yeah, that as a medical label, they don't, some of them don't even like ASD, they don't because of being considered a spectrum. Because generally, when people thought of autism spectrum, they thought of it very linear, when it's very much not.
Michele Baci:Yeah, I mean, you would think the word spectrum means it. This is not linear. Yes, everywhere.
Steven:Yeah. I seem like my preferred, I have kind of to a light to describing autism as like more of a color wheel. So it's like you're kind of like these little dots of all this kind of shades of everything. Or a very asymmetrically stacked RPG character, where certain certain attributes are just really stacked with those extra points.
Michele Baci:Right, like someone's like really a rainbow. Yeah.
Steven:Everything on strength or everything on speed or everything on intellect. All the other little attributes might be neglected a little bit,
Amanda:right that's an interesting way to put it my boyfriend was playing Fallout recently and he was like trying to pick his like attributes or ignoring this category. You got to put some there
Michele Baci:that's funny, like see it in the game?
Steven:Yeah, that's why I can't like that's like yeah, cuz you might have you know, like, that's the thing like, there's that whole issue with the CM movie that came out music like that's kind of like really irritated almost everyone that I know like online autism because it's very poor depiction of autism, especially those of the nonverbal because they just they missed the point on so many things.
Michele Baci:Yeah, what was what was like the thing you thought was the most glaring like you really like dropped the ball on
Steven:this the biggest one and they said they're gonna remove the scenes was the the restraining the meltdown restraining which has been a big no no, for forever. And they even had like a get some sort of newsletter. And I saw that article, I saw articles talking about that they were supposed to remove it by the time of the release, they were going to delete those two scenes, but when time we streamed it off of I think YouTube, they were still in there. It was like, wow,
Michele Baci:I'm not gonna pay for that.
Steven:Yeah, I had to see it because I did a podcast episode on it. And I was like, I have to watch it. I need to see how bad this is. Because originally I wanted to go in with the problem. I get it. It's an artistic piece. This is her interpretation. And I get some of the background there was major issues with the casting because that was the bigger issue. At the very first point was you have a non autistic person portraying autistic person? And to me personally, I wasn't like that didn't really offend me, per se. I ended up speaking to like another person they just hit because because like, I wasn't on board with it, like being at least offended. I wasn't offended by it. But I wanted to get a better idea of someone who didn't like it and why and they certainly put it to me, I think a very valid point. It was essentially autistic blackface because it was so overly caricature eyes of someone on the low end of low functioning autism, that it became a caricature, right, like
Amanda:they were playing into the stereotypes of
Steven:Yeah, when it came to the stimming or when it came into The nonverbal or we came into their overall daily routine. So it's like, okay, I kind of get that, like, I'm still not offended, but I definitely see a whole lot more of where you're coming from, especially after I watched them. And like, even my wife sitting next to me, as we started watching, I was like, Dude, this is cringe.
Michele Baci:Yeah, that's never good.
Steven:Yeah, it's like, oh, my wife, Phil, I was ever like, oh, like, there was, yeah, there's music and it's fun and all this stuff. But like when you have, especially, and I just spoke to us on the podcast, the main issue was that SEO was saying and advocating that this was meant to come from a place of, of love and understanding, she had just an individual cluster in life that she just wanted to bring more awareness. And that she thought she did her research into and the problem was like she used an organization like Autism Speaks apparently as a resource, which pretty much everyone in the autism community hates them. And it's like, Okay, well, that shows you that if you spoke to them. And despite having a heart and replace that there's still this is a bombshell of a horrible movie altogether. This shows that despite your best intentions, you didn't do it justice, because it seems like you failed on what you said you did. You did not do the research, even like the simplistic thing of Autism Speaks of no one likes them as far as an autistic person, because they have such a horrible track record of saying horrible things about people with autism or autism as itself, like they think that it's a disease that needs to be cured. They believe that that autism is caused by vaccines. They have a role. Like, there was a doctor that they support that use electroshock therapy, and literally tortured patients with it to the point where they're getting burned marks on their bodies. Wow, they have a horrible track record of saying horrible things, having horrible propaganda about autism, and also just supporting people who have done horrible things to people like just disabilities and autism in general.
Michele Baci:Yeah. That's good to know. I guess he has a knock it on the subreddits and read up on the community. It's I feel like
Amanda:the the bad things about it would have been really high up on the Google Play. It's very well known. Yeah,
Steven:yeah, these are very public. I mean, that Yeah, they're very public always, like on Twitter, like someone's always like, you know, calling him out on their past. So it's like, just look through some of their Twitter threads and like, yeah, like, hated by this autistic person. This next officer person hates them this next after specific, it's
Amanda:any good representations of autism in the media.
Steven:Like, there. This is where it's like people, I would say, we're there's some divergences there's, I will only speak to what I like, I for the most part, the only one I have a relative. Lee, I didn't think they did a horrible job. And I liked the overall program and for the most part was a typical if you're talking about a fictional piece, yeah, like not that he did overall, a really good job and I liked the actor, but then there's again, the kind of comes back to that, you know, how come you didn't get artistic person? And that's the big thing coming from the community is how can we can get an autistic person to train just person
Michele Baci:that's a bigger reach, like, you know, you have to jump through hoops. And Hollywood's like, Yes, we should keep bringing it up. But it is hard to actually get something like that down because it's progressive, and Hollywood hates progression.
Steven:Yeah, they're very stolid. But um, well, that was the problem with the see a movie was that she claimed that she originally tried to have an autistic person as the main lead. And I get why she went with Maddie Ziegler, who was the one who played the character music because she's done music videos for sia. And she's a fantastic dancer. And only reason I know her name. And my wife loves her. So she loves Maddie Ziegler. And so it's like, okay, it's part of the movies you're seeing inside the autistic character's head, and she's dancing and I get that you want a dancer to play it. But the problem really was her claiming that she tried to have someone artistic onset and that it didn't work out because of her autism. But then it's like, no one came forward and said that they were the original artistic, you know, actor, like no one's like, yeah, this was a challenge. See, I tried to make accommodations for me. But that never happened. We don't know who this original person is. And we see articles and quotes from other news sources that says Like she originally she wanted Mattie's to play this character to begin with, like she was adamant like this was going to happen, because that's what she was demanding. So it's like there's there's just a lot of false pretenses as to what was happening with this production. That you know, that blew up kind of in her face, and she was called out for it, which is why her Twitter is completely shut down. At this point. She's like, just she got called out for it. And she had nothing to back it up. And I think she needed to run away from it.
Michele Baci:Play I'm glad you're calling her out, too.
Unknown:Yeah, it
Steven:needed to happen. Right. And I would what I would personally love to see from her is like, it doesn't need to be an apology, but just be honest. Like just say what really happened like yes, I I had this artistic vision, which I personally understand because art is subjective. And I wanted this character. I wanted this dancer to be mainly because she's a talented person. And there was gonna be a dancer. This is a big music video, essentially. And that's understandable. But just be like, don't come off saying that your intentions were the A, B and C, when in reality like they don't what the final product was, was not that, especially when you realize that you were incorporated Autism Speaks. Yeah, no,
Michele Baci:give me this false pretense and like, show that you did the worst research you could do
Steven:exactly like, like, I don't know, it's like you don't go to you don't want to study about the Holocaust. And then you talk to Holocaust deniers. I don't know how else to put it. Like that's being blunt about it as I can. It's just, you know, it just didn't really again, it just, it seemed like she didn't really involve the community of itself. She had this romanticized idea of what she wanted to do. And that's, I understand that, but let's be honest of what the final product was. And what happened in it. I didn't realize too, that it was a long production. Like she, Maddie was 15 when they first started filming, it took like four or five years for them to film and finish this production. So it was over. So it's like you had five years to really educate yourself, possibly, possibly even restart the whole project. And I understand that, like, these are expensive projects, I've like looking into indie films and seeing like the whole background and and how these things happen. Because it is it is insanely hard to get a movie from production to a finished project and let alone to get eyeballs on that project. But especially when it's such a project that involves a community that's actually has had very little representation, and had negative representation and representation. That's been pretty much again, Carrick character Oh, my gosh, caricature, yeah, become a caricature of these ideas of like, Rain Man and all this stuff. Like, if you really wanted to be a proper representation, it seems like you've failed to do that. And all we ask that you just realize, like, be honest, because we see it. Like, just be honest. Right? Like, you're
Unknown:not fooling anybody with the product.
Steven:Yeah. And I've always got an idea of like, okay, like, when cuties happened? Like, yeah. I started and then I didn't like it was dancing. So we're like, oh, it's a dancing thing. I didn't know what it was before. Everything blew up like, Oh, this is Oh, I'm turning this off. Oh, feel comfortable?
Unknown:Yeah, yeah,
Michele Baci:I feel the cringe already. Yeah, I've always said,
Steven:especially because I love comic books. And there's been bad comic books. But I've always said when it comes to art, you do need bad art to recognize good art. Because you need to know where the lines are drawn. And so that we don't do them again. Obviously, I would say that what we got from SEO was like a project of Okay, this happened, this is not great. So but everything is a learning opportunity.
Michele Baci:Yeah, like, let's not do that again.
Steven:Let's Let's learn, well escapes, like, okay, we did fail in this type of we've failed specifically in our research, we failed to include the autism community, like maybe next time, and hopefully Hollywood does this with future products that have artistic characters get artistic writers at a bare minimum, because you're going to get from their point of view, as a bass, an autistic character, because I mean, that's what screenwriting comes down to you're trying to get. If you're trying to any movies, or you're trying to get the point of view of the character, you're going to need someone with that point of view as close as possible. There's tons of talented writers when especially when it comes to the autism community that they can be hired and that are definitely available. Yeah. Yeah, guys, go
Michele Baci:find them.
Steven:I'm literally I bet you could just Google autistic screenwriter, I guarantee you someone with autism, that's a screamer is gonna pop right up.
Amanda:Yeah, like, sounds so logical when you say it. It's like, it's like, why are they having these thoughts to the club? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. They just have friends in on the project. And they probably want to get it done quickly, rather than correctly. Yeah.
Michele Baci:Yeah. It's hard to break down the like, the old like, archaic Hollywood that we live in. To get anything new Donner in entertainment. It's like a lot of big, rich white men are controlling a lot of stuff.
Steven:Yeah, I mean, again, like I respect the process of making a big movie, because it's, it's financially draining. That's why like, when you see certain movies, when, if they say they made $15 million, and they had a budget of 10 whites, it's considered a flop. Like Yeah, cuz these are unfortunate. They are looking for this giant investment to be reimbursed, but it's like you they there needs to be the recognition of what this art form does to our culture. That's why I think that is not recognized and not really address of look at what movies have done to our culture. You see it? I see what's the impact Going to be the impact because you literally have science developed from the ideas of science fiction films you have, like I've seen online and are like super nerds of Star Trek or Star Wars go on to be aerospace engineers and creating awesome stuff. You so you see the impact of what movies and media does for our creativity, where you see it introducing the science and culture and therapies. I mean, you see, I mean, look at what what we watch really does affect us. I don't think a lot of people argue that what we put into our minds affects us down the line. So I mean, to touch on a more touchy subject, like, let's just take pornography as an example. Young kids who are taking pornography regularly, are definitely having more issues down the line their adult lives. It'd be in there getting younger, younger when they see this kind of materials, and it's warping their view of relationships.
Amanda:Yeah. And now everything like I see elementary school and middle school kids with cell phones, and like, there are ways that like smartphones, I mean, that you can like access the internet with, yeah, there are those parental locks, but like, these kids are smarter than credit for like, they're gonna get around that stuff. And yeah, they're gonna be looking at things that intrigue them and, like, hate them and like taboo, something, Something's definitely want to know, why is it taboo? Right, right, right. You know, you
Steven:tell them don't touch the hot stove and kids, like, it's really hot. Like, we just pad it a little bit. You know, kids are very inquisitive. And they're very, like, you know, they want to challenge the ideas of adults. And so I mean, that's where we get the next generation to, but let's also address you know, what gets put in their minds by what adults are actually putting out there. So, you know,
Michele Baci:if you like, what's on the screen in front of them?
Steven:Yeah. So, you know, like, look at these kids, like, do like, oh, like, when I was a kid, jackass was the biggest show, like ever. But then you had 1012 year olds, literally rolling down hills and shopping carts and breaking bones,
Amanda:right, like jumping off the roof. Like, yeah,
Steven:that's cool. Let's just be a little honest of like, what we put into our minds, what we put in front of kids becomes the status quo, essentially. So if if, and so if you take like some of the ideas of like, Okay, what is an autistic individual portrayed as in today? Whether you take, you know, big bang theory, you know, they never explicitly said the character was autistic, but even the, you know, there's autistic traits that people generalize from that, or you see things like, Rain Man, or if you take a typical stuff, like, okay, an employer might like, okay, here's an autistic individual, are they? Is there gonna be problems with them interacting with customers or other potential clients? You know, they're like, somehow is
Michele Baci:how is their whole environment going to be affected?
Steven:Exactly. It's like, do I need to adjust, like, a whole area just for this one person is, is hiring this one person and going to be more financially beneficial or financially draining?
Amanda:Right, right. And it really does become like a prejudice at that point, because you're not giving the person a chance. You're just going based off those preconceived ideas about them that are being fed to us through the media, and it's like, oh, all these mishaps that we see on the shows, like there's like, Can you just go to his job, do a good job, and then come home? Like at least one episode, like,
Steven:exactly. So it's just, you know, you kind of hope to because, again, because Autism is such an array of how individuals act like, I'm definitely not gonna be, I definitely don't carry myself in portraying myself as the next autistic person, you know, ever interact with other adults and individuals. So it's like, you know, there is a very little portrayal as it is so because you can only maybe there's a handful of mainstream autistic characters out there. So like, like, as of right now, see is a poor example, unfortunately, or excuse music movie. So you have that you have the big bang theory, which wasn't great because they make it very psychopathic, in the sense of very controlling and domineering and insulting you have the good doctor, oh,
Michele Baci:that show is very profitable.
Steven:Exactly, though, they can very, very, very profitable 12 seasons. And then you have like the good doctor, which is like, okay, like not everyone is a savant when they're on the spectrum. They're not, they're not going to be able to play everything from Beethoven to Bach from memory, and play it flawlessly. And then you have things like Rain Man, and then what was the one Ben Affleck movie that came out even watch it but there was like, well, that one they kind of did. But that one wasn't explicitly his But no, it was a recent one. I'm the accountant. Where the premise was a Oh no, my cat No, no. Sorry.
Unknown:Kitty. Say hi.
Amanda:Oh, my her sleeping on a chair over
Steven:there. The premise was, it was just so ridiculous this way. I didn't even bother with it. But I think it was an artistic.
Michele Baci:I'm like overbed assassin,
Steven:and I think it was an artistic assassin.
Unknown:Oh my god,
Steven:I could be wrong. I don't like I said, I didn't watch it. I'm guessing because he's also it's called the accounting. I'm assuming he's like a mathematician too. But so he's a mathematician, assassin.
Unknown:Oh my god, I might have to watch this now. So you don't have to
Michele Baci:do like assassin material. So like maybe
Steven:it's just the weirdest premise like, okay, it's far fetched, but whatever.
Amanda:I picked, like three words out of a hat like autism. assassin math. Yeah.
Michele Baci:Our star.
Steven:Yeah. And then and then you have a typical, so it's like you don't Oh, I'm the one character from the Power Rangers reboot. So you have the One Power Power Ranger that like they said that he had autism. So it's like you have like very, very few genuine, well, naive and genuine but what they consider artistic representations of the community, which aren't, you know, aren't great, then that's a problem.
Unknown:Even like, I'm
Amanda:thinking of all those movies. We watched where they're supposed to be in high school yet. They're like, 25. Yeah, it's like they can't do that. Right. Either. Like, what can they do? Right?
Unknown:Yeah.
Michele Baci:Give us anything authentic.
Steven:Yeah, exactly. It's like, stop with the 25 year olds in high school. I'm sure there's talented high school students.
Michele Baci:Yeah, I mean, like something closer to the right age. Yeah.
Steven:I mean, I think the closest thing we had like my wife and I, well, my wife more so like Cobra Kai movie. So those kids looked like they were close to high school age for the most part. So it was like, Okay, let's close. But it I think, like, I think what they need to address like, people are starting to become a lot smarter to what's being put out and they want to be respected enough to like, please give us something a little bit more intelligent. Right? Right. Because we're recognizing this. The over the top notes of what you're giving us, right? Like, if something's meant to be over the top, like a big sci fi movie, like, like the New Jurassic Park. It's like, obviously, it's gonna be over the top. But if you're trying to get more like dramatic and you're trying to have this cultural stance on something, you know, bring it more down to earth because you know, audiences are have become I, I believe smart enough to like, okay, we're calling out this because it's just ridiculous. Like, seems like I've ever Yeah, it is good night, and I just don't you know, it just seems like an entertainment issue. They're not addressing that.
Michele Baci:Yeah, it's just slow move in the entertainment industry. have to wrap so yeah, Therapy Roulette. We usually spend a random question toward the end. So I'll give you a spin, Steven.
Unknown:Okay, go for it.
Michele Baci:Let's you know where it lands. It says learn to sew, have you learned anything new, it could be in any field.
Steven:Okay, learn learn, um, biggest thing I've been learning is actually videography skills. Because with not being able to do weddings, I have these cameras just sitting around. So like they do shoot photo. So I've been trying to learn to record video more. Because it's, it's a whole nother monster because I've been trying to learn to edit to video. And it's so much harder than photos. Because the photos just one photo, I need to start tweaking a little bit, it's really hard to get the right sequence. And videos have a sense of a rhythm of a beat, even without music attached to it, but just kind of getting that scene kind of cut together. Because my goal is I would love to do a documentary, eventually on dog grooming, because like I have the cameras to do it. So like I would love to do it like a small documentary, just put it on YouTube. And just like follow a few groomers that I know for a day and just kind of cut it together and just kind of docu series. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Even that, like yeah, I can probably do like a small YouTube channel with like, 10 episodes with different groomers. I can do some in a salon, I can do some, in a mobile, I can do some I know, a really great couple. They do dog grooming right in their house. So it's like there's different you know, it'd be really interesting to show the behind the scenes of you know, what your dog is going through, but what we as groomers are going through, like the stress of it all because oh my gosh, when I first started it was so stressful, because you're so worried about you know, you don't want to hurt these animals. So you're just like, they're moving around. So it's just like, I would love to try and learn how to because that's the hard part is the storytelling of using angles and and lighting and all that. So it's it's a whole new challenge. And I've been kind of looking more into it and it's just like, Oh, this is a big undertaking, but yeah,
Michele Baci:it's like you could probably transfer skills from photography, but it's a whole nother animal in itself.
Steven:Yeah, it's it's close. But it's just it's a it's still like the editing person. The most hardest part.
Michele Baci:Yeah, I've been trying to edit video. It is not something I like to do. It is like you want to hammer your head into a little pulse.
Steven:On like, seconds of where to cut on it like a clip. Like do I tweak it back here? tweak it back there like I don't know. So like these fine
Michele Baci:details may just give you a little computer tool.
Steven:Yeah. So yeah, I've been trying to learn more video skills so I can eventually just kind of because I don't know when wedding photography is gonna come back, it's still gonna be a, you know, probably another year or two, we'll have to wait and see, especially here in California with large groups, because they're loosening it up with COVID. A little bit more, I think. I don't know what any of these color tears mean anymore. It is so hard to keep track. But yeah, I think they just opened up indoor dining, for restaurants here in California, so
Michele Baci:I would hope like the weddings we were used to a year ago. I hope they're still a little far off. But we'll see. Yeah,
Steven:yeah. I mean, there's some photographers that I know have done really great. With elopements. So they're going out to these really cool locations like,
Michele Baci:cool, like romantic spin. I like how more
Steven:Yeah, now? Yeah, like they're going up to big bear or up north like redwoods. And they're just going really cool. Like, just out of the way places. And, uh, and just getting these really cool scenery.
Michele Baci:I'm bringing a photographer with them. They're like, this is our guest. And yeah, guest photographer,
Steven:exactly. Like they'll take like, it's usually no more than like a group of six and the photographer because you have like, the, the, you know, obviously the bride and groom, and then they have like, their best friends. And then maybe the parents and that's it, you know, they're keeping it as simple and small as possible, and then save some money on, you know, having the venue. I mean, I feel bad for the wedding venues because it's like, you have all this space and you're not using it. And
Michele Baci:how much sympathy can we dole out to like, these businesses that clearly did well before the pandemic?
Steven:They're just the ringing in couples like yeah, it's, it's, it's Yeah, so I don't know when I'm gonna be doing wedding photography again. But I least with a small project where like, a documentary where it's just me one on one with someone and I can just kind of just be a little fly on the wall, which would be you know, COVID safe and, and then. Oh, okay. And so yeah, so just learning
Michele Baci:dog grooming videos in the Yeah,
Steven:yeah, I just say something to move on to something like the next step of like, here's a new adventure to try out and just keep you know, trying to absolutely. I love archery, and I love photography. And you know, I love golfing and I love you know, I still I'm still like a nerd. So I love movies and gaming and all that stuff. So it's just adding another interest is always fun.
Michele Baci:Nice. Well before I asked you like where to find you online any final thoughts, Amanda? No, I've
Amanda:really enjoyed this. I nervous before coming out. I was a guest once on the podcast. Oh, awesome. Yeah. And now I've been upgraded to co host
Michele Baci:like you got your your asset. If the house like looking nice now. Now your co host.
Amanda:Had my 15 minutes now.
Michele Baci:But this is fun. Yeah. Thanks for educating us. Steven, tell us where to find you online. Tell us about the podcast. Yeah, no, thank
Steven:you. This was awesome. Um, feel free to reach out to me. via my podcast, which is hosted on anchor is ballistic autistic. If you have a story about your life with autism, you can also reach me at ballistic autistic pod at gmail, you can email me, you can reach me on Instagram, ballistic autistic podcast and twitter at ballistic aspie. And feel free to reach out to me I'm always looking for fun stories of autistic individuals, you know, doing really cool, amazing feats. I just did a podcast where this autistic girl from India just swam like 40 miles I think an open ocean through the game. I can't remember where it was it was really like, Oh, my she did like a world record kind of thing. And so I love seeing stories and stuff like that and finding current news on in scientific articles on autism. So yeah,
Michele Baci:there you go. Very cool. Check it out. And thanks for coming on.
Unknown:Thank you. Of course.
Michele Baci:This has been Therapy Roulette: consent to vent!. If you enjoyed this episode a few very quick things you could do to help the podcast are leaving a review Review, you can leave me a review on rate this podcast.com slash therapy, or you can leave a review. Wherever you listen to podcasts. It only takes a couple seconds to do and it really helps spread the word. tell a friend about the podcast, anyone who's into mental health or comedy, or who needs to, like, hear about mental health and comedy. If you think they'd like the podcast, tell them text them share the link. It really helps. It's just tell people about the podcast. Also, while you're listening, if you take a screenshot of this episode, and share it on social media and tag me, I'll be sure to reshare and that also builds momentum. So on Instagram, I'm at Therapy Roulette pod. On Twitter. I'm at Therapy Roulette. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back with a new episode in two weeks. So not next Thursday. But The following Thursday.
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