Therapy Roulette

Therapy Reflections and a Mental Health Break!

May 20, 2021 Michele Baci Season 1 Episode 131
Therapy Roulette
Therapy Reflections and a Mental Health Break!
Show Notes Transcript

Michele spills about why she quit therapy recently and how she plans to take better care of herself. She shares her plans to combat her issues, including writing more by starting with an outline, and creating a writing routine that she can stick to. Exercise is another priority, as well as increasing intensity when she can handle it. Michele opens up about her reluctance to let go of her attachment to work, (including this podcast!), and trying so hard to make everything “perfect.” She talks about going on vacation to visit family and granting herself permission to take a break for her mental health.

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Therapy Roulette Consent to Vent / Trauma d sguised as comedy / Therapy Ro lette: Consent to Vent / If you dont have problems, then youre likely repressing sh*t and y u should find a therapist / (Wh s n Hey, Rouletters. I'm back. My n me is Michele Baci, and I'm he e with another episode of Therap Roulette consent to vent. house eeping right up top, pleas send me an email, I would love o hear about your current strug les with therapy, or maybe somet ing funny anecdote about thera y, you could disguise some detai s, you can make up names or, y u know, blur the parti ulars if you want. But if you w uld like an email, read out l ud on the podcast and my respo se to it or advice. If you'r looking for suggestions, I can give you my comedic advic , shoot me an email at Thera y roulette Also if you have not yet left your review for the podcast, it woul be so awesome. If you coul just leave me a review real quick on the apple podcast app, or whatever app you choose to l sten to your podcasts on. Clic rating five stars fill all thos stars and Why not leave me a re iew. It could be anything you' e thinking it could take five seconds, it's super easy to do. nd it really helps get the podc st out into the sphere so othe people can find it. And spea ing of branching out the podc st listeners, tell a friend abou Therapy Roulette. You know after you listen to this epis de, think of one friend you know who might like this podcast and hoot them attack say, Hey, I be n listening to this podcast late y. And I think you would love it, you know, send them a link that would really help me and elp the podcast grow. And I woul really appreciate it. Than you in advance. So on this epis de, I'm going to dive into my p rsonal story with therapy. So o the length of the podcast, I've had two therapists. And I've recently quit therapy with this more recent therapist who I was ust talking to over the phon . And we we did Connect over the phone. I never saw her over video chat. We only did spea er phone conversations. But that was almost nicer, because I coul open up a little bit more, beca se she wasn't watching me. So I feel like the speakerphone ther py sessions were a good fit for e, I would just go into the car nd talk to her cuz I've been living with my boyfriend full time. And I didn't want him to o erhear my therapy sessions. You now, sometimes I just comp ain. And I might complain abou my boyfriend. And I don't want him to be privy to that or anyt ing I'm talking about. So I woul sit in the car bask in the LA s n and spill my soul to the ther pist. And I feel like I had sess ons with her for two and a half months. And they were they were helpful, but they weren't tota ly fulfilling. So I've rece tly decided to let that go. I to d her, I didn't want to do the essions anymore. And she seem d a little surprised. But she as like, Okay, I got it. She aid, Why do you want to quit And I said, Well, I feel like I'm just burnt out from work and the podcast, life and the andemic, and I need to focu on fixing my burnout, I need to take more action, beca se I would frequently just comp ain in therapy. And she told me a lot of helpful things. And 'm going to highlight a few of t em for you. But she wasn't real y telling me anything novel or u earthing any, you know, deep past connections for me, she asn't doing a lot of like, jigs w puzzle work. It was more like Michelle, why don't you star taking care of yourself. And was like, you're right. So afte hearing that for a few week in a row, I was like, I thin I get it, I have to take care of myself. So I told her I just had to take action. And she said Yeah, you do. So I would tell her, I want to spend more time writing, because I love writ ng. And that's the main thin I want to do with my life is w ite stories, publish stor es, write scripts, film scri ts, and I have not been doin that pretty much at all in the ast year with the pandemic. So I ve totally fallen out of my writ ng routine and I've suff red with my identity beca se of that because that's a big art of who I am. It's writ ng and spilling my soul onto paper like that really fulf lls me day in day out. And I yo know, it was doing a lot of s and up comedy before COVID and hat got changed when COVID hadn t I haven't really found my way ack to it. I'm sure I will soon r rather than later now that things are opening up, but I lost a piece of who I was last March, and I'm still reclaiming that person. So she would say, very Matter of fact, my therapist would say, if you are a writer, you have to write. And I said, Yeah, Yeah, I know. But you know, it's easier to say than it is to do, lady. So I told her, I would start writing an outline for the story I'm working on. And she said, okay, right now, like, that's easy. I said, Yeah, it sounds easy. But it's hard to do. I am not good at writing outlines, I have fought the format of an outline, I have fought structure, most of my adult life as a writer, and I don't know why I fight these tools that are designed to help you. But to say I'm going to write an outline, is almost like me waving a white flag of surrender. It's like admitting, I don't know what I'm doing. And I need an outline to help me. But I've actually been doing it. In the past three weeks, I've written three times, just starting out slow once a week. And I'm I'm working on an outline. I'm putting the pen to the paper I'm, you know, asking myself questions that will help the story make more sense, and come together big picture. And it does make it a lot easier. I don't know why I fight things that make my life easier. So at least I'm writing. And I would complain to her all the time that I was tired, that I wasn't getting exercise. And often I write off exercise is like, Oh, I could do that. Any time I could totally take care of myself anytime. I don't have to do it. Now. I don't have to do it today. And that's a bunch of bullshit, because you do have to take care of yourself. And I used to be better at it. Before really filling up. Like most of my free time with this podcast, I used to be better about squeezing in a workout or like doing it on my lunch break or something. And now I have to be more cognizant of planning it and saying, No, I have to get into a habit. I have to work out. Tuesdays and Thursdays every Tuesday and Thursday. Those are my days to work out. And just having that set calendar date helps my brain Remember, this is your workout day, if you didn't work out today, you know, you're not a failure. But you did say you would do it on Tuesday. So I like giving myself that little nudge and writing in my planner, do a workout today. It could be yoga, it could be easy yoga, it could be gentle yoga, or it could be hard. It could be hit workout. beginner hit workout, because you know, I'm starting out. I'm reclaiming my fitness routine. But writing it down making the date Tuesday and Thursday, I've actually started working out more and that gives me more energy. It makes me feel better. I'm healthier. Why do I fight exercise, you know? And my therapist would say like, you know, oh, it's good. You're doing yoga. I go on neighborhood walks, she would say increase the intensity. Do it more walk faster than say, okay, okay. I like that she would push me like she wasn't she wasn't coddling me, which is good, cuz I like a therapist who's a little hard on me. So she was hard on me. But she wasn't too hard. She was more of a reality check person. And I would complain to her about being a perfectionist, especially with the podcasts, especially with editing the podcast because I have, I've had to learn editing. And I've become snobbish in my views. What makes a good audio episode. And I edit too much, you know, she asked me, How long does it take you to edit? And I would say, I have to tell her. I, you know, if you listen to Therapy Roulette, you know, these episodes usually run about an hour, maybe an hour and a half. And I told her for me to edit an episode that running time is one hour, I spent six to eight hours editing that episode. Because I go bit by bit if I hear anything, I don't like it, cut it out, right. You know, smooth it over with the facts. And it's not always perfect. But I try my damnedest to make that thing perfect. Like I spend the time I spend night after night working on it until asked to come out. And you don't have to do that. podcasting is not you know, it's not a Michelangelo, you can just let things go. So she said, cut down your editing time to one hour, and finds good use out of the rest of the time you would spend editing those other five plus hours, what are you going to do? And I said, I would write, I would read, I would exercise, I would take a bath, I would do something for me, right? Because I've forgotten. I've fallen out of the patterns, where I used to take care of myself and do self care and do yoga and read and find my happiness every day I fallen out of those patterns, just to fill it up with work, all I do is work. It's either my job or the podcast, or it's chores. Those are like, the circle I run. I run that circle all week, and I don't have any time for me. And so that's why I've been feeling so burnt out. And I told her like I have to relax after take a vacation. I don't know how to do it. But I'm going to book a vacation. I'm gonna take a little bit of time off work, I'm gonna take some time off from the podcast, too. And I'm just gonna focus on me. I'm going to go back to my roots. And we'll see what happens. And she said, Good. She said, Yeah, you're tired. You have to recharge and you have to sleep. And you have to do what's good for you. And for that my therapist was, was just what I needed to hear, you know, she validated me, she let me complain, but she didn't over indulge me. And she straight up was like, Michelle, you are driving yourself, you know, down to the bone. You got to fix this stuff. And so that's what I'm doing. I'm taking a break, I'm going on vacation, home to New York to see my family, my people. You know, the city I love. And Therapy Roulette will be off the air for the month of June. But we'll be back. I'll be coming back with new episodes. Thursday, July 1. So book it will be back then. And I hope you understand that I'm I'm taking a break from my mental health and for me, and I've seen that a lot in following other podcasters and other creative people like who have Etsy shops or who have independent websites and businesses. Some of them straight up, like tell you hey, I'm taking a break for my mental health. I'll be back on this day. And my instinct when I see those, those mental health breaks is like How dare she take a break? I don't get a break. And obviously that is a cause for concern. So I do commend the people who take mental health breaks. I'm working on my instinctive anger reaction, and I am taking a mental health break myself. So I'll see you again Thursday, July 1st. In t e meantime, shoot me an ema l Therapy roulette or DM me on Insta or Twitter, on Instagram. I'm @ Thera y Roulette pod on Twitter. I'm Therapy Roulette. Thank you fo listening. I'll see you again i July Therapy Roulette Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy /

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Consent to Vent / If you dont have problems, then youre likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist / (Whos not me)