Pure Chaos w/ Joseph

Today’s guest is Michele’s partner, Joseph, a civil engineer and woodworker. They talk about how goddamn tired they are between DIY home improvement projects, painting rooms, learning feng shui,­­ and living like absolute slobs. They discuss reaching a breaking point with stress levels, admit there’s too much chaos, and that they’ve been neglecting their health. They talk about Ted Lasso, Rick and Morty, and Final Space. Joseph tells us why he stopped going to EMDR therapy. They celebrate getting their own personal spaces, a book on trauma (Unspoken Legacy by Claudia Black), and Michele tells us about her return to performing live standup comedy.

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Theme music by Hannah Fairchild

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Transcript

Theme Song: 0:05

Therapy Roulette Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you dont have problems, then youre likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist/ (Whos not me)

Michele Baci: 0:19

Welcome back to Therapy Roulette. My name is Michele Baci. Today I am joined by a very special guest, my partner Joseph, who has been on the podcast before, he has very generously agreed to come back because we have moved into our new house. We're pressed for time. I didn't book any other guests, and he's really interesting and a good sport. So I welcome back my partner, brilliant engineer and woodworker Joseph.

Joseph: 0:47

Hello.

Michele Baci: 0:49

He's here guys. He's really excited.

Joseph: 0:51

Yes

Michele Baci: 0:52

Joseph. How do you feel? Honestly?

Joseph: 0:56

exhausted.

Michele Baci: 0:58

I am always exhausted. How did this exhaustion come about?

Joseph: 1:02

I'm painting the house.

Michele Baci: 1:06

That took a lot out of me. Yep. Yep. We painted bedrooms. Three bedrooms. One will be in office very,

Joseph: 1:17

very good colors. Michelle shows the mastermind.

Michele Baci: 1:23

Thank you. You helped just as much

Joseph: 1:25

Yeah, but you You seemed it with the bag. Wha

Michele Baci: 1:30

Yeah, we Fung suede the rooms I whenever I live anywhere, I always want to Fung Shui the place and put a little bit of energy in each corner. And luckily you were on board and you really drew it out.

Joseph: 1:43

Every room is gonna be functioning right now.

Michele Baci: 1:46

Which is awesome. Because usually, I am mature and I like put duct tape on the

Joseph: 1:52

best I can. On the ground crazy.

Michele Baci: 1:56

Sometimes you got to work with a budget. Okay, and I needed some ci. Toward the beginning of my house. I put hot pink duct tape at the foot of my stairs and I was in college. And I said this is good Fung Shui. You know what I think it was. But now that I'm 30 and we have a house we own we can go a little bit harder than duct tape.

Joseph: 2:18

Yeah, it's it's nice. It feels it feels good to take over a place and make it ours.

Michele Baci: 2:27

Yeah, putting paint up on the walls really made it feel like our house not just a house we found and purchased.

Joseph: 2:34

Then doing the floors was nice too. It looks so much better.

Michele Baci: 2:39

You very graciously took care of the floors while I was out of town.

Joseph: 2:43

Yeah, it was a lot of work. It's probably why my back hurts.

Michele Baci: 2:46

I would guess. Every time I spoke to you while I was in New York you were like I pulled up another room of carpet. This many nails stuck in my hands.

Joseph: 2:55

The carpet was was the easy part. The hard part was the the vinyl with the stuck on linoleum underneath the vinyl stuff came up really easy but stuck on stuff I had to go around with like a razor blade and statue. Yeah, like a sharpened spatula that I sharpened so that it was like a razor blade sharpness and was scraping it. Yeah, miserable.

Michele Baci: 3:22

I really got it. I

Joseph: 3:23

missed these that took like, five days.

Michele Baci: 3:27

was nice for you to get it all done for your family to come help out too. Otherwise, I think you would be a broken person

Joseph: 3:34

I wouldn't have been able to do without Emily that's for sure. Yeah, Emily Am I put in a lot of hard work? Yeah, it was nice. felt good to hang out again like that. Do something fun or not fun to do with your

Michele Baci: 3:49

sister. Hmm. That's awesome. Yeah. But now we're exhausted,

Joseph: 3:55

exhausted. But we're finally actually moving into the rooms. Slowly.

Michele Baci: 4:02

Hopefully, instead of having all of our shit in one room.

Joseph: 4:05

Yeah, we're currently in the den of our house, which has all of our belongings in it at once. Which is fun.

Michele Baci: 4:14

Yeah, and it's it's a little too much for one room. I

Joseph: 4:16

gotta say pure chaos, which I thrive at. And but this is too much.

Michele Baci: 4:22

What really strikes me as interesting about you is you set up the fish tank right away.

Joseph: 4:30

I mean, you had you because well the fish die and the plants die if you don't set up the fish tank. So

Michele Baci: 4:37

it's just funny. All we've set up in the house is our kitchen kind of like just so we can cook. We've set up our desks so we can work from home. Our bed is on the floor and then the fish tank is like thriving behind all of our boxes.

Joseph: 4:51

I wouldn't call it thriving. Its existing. It's put together Yeah, I lost a lot of plants in the move. So hopefully They come back.

Michele Baci: 5:01

And we did lose one fish recipe.

Joseph: 5:03

suicide by fish.

Michele Baci: 5:06

The fish jumped out of the bucket we put them in, you know, I don't blame him because he had been through a lot.

Joseph: 5:11

Well, his partner previously committed suicide.

Michele Baci: 5:17

We lost another fish.

Joseph: 5:19

There were three of them originally. And that was the that was. I don't know. I think the first one just died. The second one jumped.

Michele Baci: 5:31

It could have been homicide

Joseph: 5:33

by it was the biggest tank one of their fellow

Michele Baci: 5:37

fish.

Joseph: 5:38

Oh, using there's some conspiracy in the fish tank where there was a murder?

Michele Baci: 5:43

I don't know. I'm not in their worlds.

Joseph: 5:44

I don't know what's going on. Could have been a fish murder.

Michele Baci: 5:47

I don't watch. I don't watch the fish.

Joseph: 5:49

This is good material for you. You should just write this down.

Michele Baci: 5:53

Next step on kcls acla. Fish murder hot topics.

Joseph: 6:00

When are we going to get the new fish to replace deficient diet?

Michele Baci: 6:04

soon?

Joseph: 6:04

Can I get Angel fish?

Michele Baci: 6:07

If you take care of them? Yes, check. Yes, we still have to go over budget. We'll do that tomorrow. Yes. Fun relationship stuff going over the budget. Anyway, we're here to talk about how we're feeling. Like with our health in general, and with our mental health, you're exhausted, I'm exhausted. I think I'm going to take more steps to really schedule my time a bit better so I can accomplish more and rest more because I seem to like get lost throughout the day. So I'm going to be more proactive about scheduling out my time.

Joseph: 6:44

That's probably a very good idea.

Michele Baci: 6:47

I'm probably going to watch less TV.

Joseph: 6:49

I'm gonna watch more TV.

Michele Baci: 6:51

You watch so much TV.

Joseph: 6:53

I need to watch more TV.

Michele Baci: 6:55

Okay, well for you. It seems to make you feel better for me. I feel less productive and therefore shitty.

Joseph: 7:01

It's just like the only time my brain doesn't think so. It's nice. Especially if it's a good show. Some shows don't even touch it. But

Michele Baci: 7:12

you see anything good lately? You watch a lot of content?

Joseph: 7:15

I'm not really. Okay, well, actually, Ted lasso pretty good. Pretty good.

Michele Baci: 7:26

I hear it. I hear season two is very therapy oriented.

Joseph: 7:29

Yeah, I think we're on the third episode.

Michele Baci: 7:32

I think Bernie brown gets a shadow.

Joseph: 7:38

I think that's two glasses. Good. Rick and Morty. Of course, he's just said it. Pretty good season.

Michele Baci: 7:48

The season ended. Yeah,

Joseph: 7:49

we should say the episodes. We watched the last one. I thought there was one more but there wasn't.

Michele Baci: 7:56

eight episodes is a short season.

Joseph: 8:00

So hard show, right. I mean, they've really done a lot. Yeah, I mean, it's very original.

Michele Baci: 8:12

Any show is hard to write. Oh, yeah. But

Joseph: 8:14

Rick and Morty has this like, huge fan base that's waiting on on the edge of their seats for every episode.

Michele Baci: 8:23

Aggressive fan base attack is

Joseph: 8:25

very aggressive.

Michele Baci: 8:27

Yeah, this season was interesting. I enjoy that. You've brought me into Rick and Morty, and we share that together.

Joseph: 8:32

It's a good it's a good show.

Michele Baci: 8:35

Also, little gems of therapy throughout. And there's another show you were watching that was animated about mental health. In space,

Joseph: 8:44

oh, final space.

Michele Baci: 8:48

Because Claudia black was on the list of cast or Yeah,

Joseph: 8:52

that's a weird show. Something like

Michele Baci: 8:54

that. And Claudia

Joseph: 8:56

gets much play, but it's pretty good.

Michele Baci: 8:59

Final space. I should watch it.

Joseph: 9:01

It's a pretty good show. I think it's three seasons or four seasons.

Michele Baci: 9:06

After I've become a productive human, I'll integrate that show. Yeah, but I think my health has been pretty terrible and I need to get better at taking care of myself, going to doctors, finding a new therapist. We have to start exercising more going to that gym we joined.

Joseph: 9:24

So it's been like twice.

Unknown: 9:27

My health has been suffered. Definitely mind you.

Michele Baci: 9:31

But it makes sense because we've been moving and had a lot of stress,

Joseph: 9:35

not stress too much. Why did you stop going to therapy? I just it was a scheduling thing. I was having trouble like meeting appointments, making appointments. And yeah, it was just a lot so I stops

Michele Baci: 10:00

Give us too much in your week.

Joseph: 10:03

Yeah, I just felt like every time I went to appointment, I wasn't like prepared for it. And since I was like starting to do EMDR, it's kind of something you have to once you start it, you have to be pretty adamant about it. And I was not able to maintain that. It's in person therapy. So you also have to go down there. You have to physically hold on to something. It's a lot.

Michele Baci: 10:34

Yeah, yeah. To make the time to drive there and mentally prepare for

Joseph: 10:40

this work in the house. It's just almost impossible.

Michele Baci: 10:45

Yeah, the house has been like a full time job. It's been so

Joseph: 10:49

much. Yeah, a lot of appointments.

Michele Baci: 10:52

Yeah, a lot of work to be done.

Joseph: 10:56

But the big projects are pretty much behind us. So far. That's what we keep saying. Yeah, no.

Michele Baci: 11:07

I think we are on an upswing, so we'll see how it goes. Yeah. Now that we have our own offices, a little bit separate from each other, that's you have your own office,

Joseph: 11:18

I have the room of tears. Well,

Michele Baci: 11:23

you're going to try it out. It's not going to be a room of terror forever. He means his desk is in the room. That's the den where all of our boxes

Joseph: 11:31

are Yes. And Michelle's room office is a perfectly clean, newly painted with new floors room.

Michele Baci: 11:40

It's minimalist and

Joseph: 11:41

mine is boxes and a bed. A couch stacked on another couch. And my chair in the corner like I live in a cave.

Michele Baci: 11:54

Slowly, we will we will take apart the den, unpack it and you will live in less chaos, I promise.

Joseph: 12:01

Yes. It kind of feels like I'm Jeff right now but

Michele Baci: 12:07

tell the audience who Jeff Jeff

Joseph: 12:09

Jeff was the homeless man that lives in front of our apartments on on a cots with a with a beach umbrella and a lot of canned goods that he would always try to give to us. He had a traffic cone dress up like a Christmas tree. Yes. And then. And then he he got an apartment. And all the homeless people got mad at him because he had an apartment. But he was living on the streets still during the day and then he would sleep in his apartment.

Michele Baci: 12:44

Yeah, and I saw him with a clean face like showered. He looks better dirty. Gotta say it.

Joseph: 12:49

I mean, he's, he's he's well weathered man. I'm glad he took a shower. It's nice that it took a shower though. I'm sure he hasn't take a shower in a long time.

Michele Baci: 13:00

No, it's definitely better for him. I just didn't recognize him without all the layers of, of life on him. That was funny though. I came home from New York. And Joseph had been here for over a week by himself. And there were just like, a lot of

Joseph: 13:17

dishes and garbage dishes everywhere. But there was garbage.

Michele Baci: 13:23

And you said I feel like I've been living like a homeless person.

Joseph: 13:27

Well, cuz every night after I got off work, I immediately just started pulling up carpet and nails because I had to pull up all the carpet by myself and the tack strips. And all the staples in the carpet. And this place is huge. I know. I know. You've got a giant and a giant living room. All carpeted.

Michele Baci: 13:51

I'm not knocking the work you did, but I'm just commenting the place you choose to work with your desk and sleep in the bed the den you had made into a garbage dump a little bit,

Joseph: 14:03

not a garbage dump. I had to move everything from the rest of the house, including your desk into this room. And so I had consolidated all of our belongings into the bedroom. And it was kind of chaotic when she got back because I hadn't finished cleaning up all the boxes and like stacking them properly.

Michele Baci: 14:28

I know it was a lot of work. It's too much room. Yeah.

Joseph: 14:30

And I did it all by myself.

Michele Baci: 14:33

With the help of Emily.

Joseph: 14:34

First thing when she comes home she says this place is a mess. And I was like well, what did you What did you say? Little things that you overlook? I did not overlook any of them. I ran out of time.

Michele Baci: 14:49

Okay. Anyway, I was just echoing back a comment you had made about living like a homeless person. Yes,

Joseph: 14:57

I did feel that way.

Michele Baci: 15:00

There's a kombucha here. That's like it's just glued to your drink. And you're like, No, I don't know, when I took that out.

Joseph: 15:09

I like took it out. I like took it out at this point and then yeah, it's hard is probably four or five days old just sitting out on the table.

Michele Baci: 15:18

That is just homeless person level.

Joseph: 15:20

I wouldn't say homeless person level.

Michele Baci: 15:23

very forgetful.

Joseph: 15:25

No, I just too, too much going on.

Michele Baci: 15:29

Yeah, too much. So are you going to go back to therapy? Do you have any plans to

Joseph: 15:36

maybe later? Yes, later? Yes. Later.

Michele Baci: 15:41

You said you would read a book with me that our couples therapist recommended. Yeah. We're gonna read that book, audio book or something. We'll

Joseph: 15:50

figure that out.

Michele Baci: 15:51

Okay, unspoken legacy by Claudia black. It's about trauma. Yeah. She recommended we read it. And our couples therapist is basically like, you don't need me. Like, you don't need a couples therapist. You need this book about trauma.

Joseph: 16:07

You're like, Well, I mean, she she kind of said that I have a lot more therapy I need to do. And, yeah, there's a lot of interesting. I already knew this. I've been to work through patches. I've been through a lot of therapy, but nothing rigorous enough.

Michele Baci: 16:32

Yeah, like maybe not everything has been resolved to

Joseph: 16:38

how could best boy most likely just have cptsd. receipt? Yeah, that's right. Complex, complex. Post Traumatic Stress Stress

Michele Baci: 16:48

Disorder. Yeah, the trauma book is good. I've started the first chapter.

Joseph: 16:54

Yeah, yeah, it's probably I have trauma. It's probably it's probably gonna be like less traumatic for you to read, and more traumatic for me to read. Well, it's not a content. No. That's not what I'm saying. Okay.

Michele Baci: 17:09

I was just saying, I've already started and I've gotten some stuff out of it. That's good. Yeah. And I think I will reach out to new therapists soon I've, I finally went back to doing stand up. today. I went to an open mic. Joseph got me out of the house. Thank God and I must stand up. It was so nice to go back. And now coming back from an open mic set. I feel like everything is possible. I can totally be a comedian. I could definitely go back to therapy. I can, you know, do whatever I want. So I think I'm gonna go back to therapy, too.

Joseph: 17:44

So you ended up using that that joke that you told me?

Michele Baci: 17:49

Yeah, I didn't hit the best. It's a shorter joke, but I also was doing very off the cuff.

Joseph: 17:55

Yeah, stuff. So maybe you see it play with him more? Yeah, I think it's a pretty good joke.

Michele Baci: 18:01

Thank you. Um, yeah, it was all new material. And it was more like, just go and do it and see if you can survive, and I did.

Joseph: 18:12

I'm glad that she didn't try and do old material.

Michele Baci: 18:15

Well, it's not like I'm rehearsing for a shower or something. No,

Joseph: 18:18

I mean, yeah.

Michele Baci: 18:20

Why not? Just try nice to. Yeah, first show post COVID first, Mike post COVID feel surreal. Slay my old life. So any questions you have for me are should we spin the wheel?

Joseph: 18:40

Oh, yeah, I forgot about the wheel. I don't know. I don't have any questions. I'm my brain is fried.

Michele Baci: 18:47

Okay, I'll spin the wheel for you.

Joseph: 18:49

Spin it. Give it a bunch of spins My gosh.

Michele Baci: 19:01

Describe your perfect day.

Joseph: 19:03

My perfect day.

Michele Baci: 19:11

Joseph looks like this is a really hard question.

Joseph: 19:14

I don't know. I don't know probably sleep in a little bit. Like maybe my garage is set up in a not chaotic manner. And I can actually do woodworking. Yeah, tackling in the garage organization. That's our next big project. Doing some woodworking and then maybe like, later that day going to dinner with you. That'd be nice. We're gonna go acids. Yeah. Nice. Oh, we hardly ever do. Yeah, I mean, well, it's part of the whole thing that's going on right now.

Michele Baci: 19:54

That'd be nice. So a little bit of extra sleep. A nice garage. You could watch Yeah. And then dinner with me. Yeah. What would you want to work on in the garage? Oh, no.

Joseph: 20:06

I can't think that far ahead.

Michele Baci: 20:08

Really? That's unlike Yeah,

Joseph: 20:10

I mean, I have I have a project going on right now, but it's, it's for somebody else, so it's not as it's still fun.

Michele Baci: 20:21

Yeah, tell us about it.

Joseph: 20:22

Uh, it's like my best friend wanted to wanted a headboard. And it's just like, headboard. It's gonna have tambour doors. Which are like these sliding wood doors. Buy Yeah, that's that's the project. Really nice wood. Yeah, yes, mahogany. And then the tambores you're gonna be timbers you're gonna make made out of a bunch of different ones. I'm not sorry together for him.

Michele Baci: 20:57

Would you rather organize the garage first, or the den? Where all of our stuff is? What? Would you rather organize your living space in the house or the garage for?

Joseph: 21:10

Probably the garage? Because we have to like, get that dumpster? Yeah, I would really like to not have a pile of garbage on the side of the house.

Michele Baci: 21:21

Oh, goodness. I thought that was just me who had that wish? No. It's good to know. on the same page.

Joseph: 21:27

I feel like we can't have a housewarming party till that trash is gone.

Michele Baci: 21:31

For sure. I mean, it's like we don't even live here yet. Because there's so much trash.

Joseph: 21:37

Yeah, we piled up all the carpet. I piled up all the carpet on the side of the house. And it is.

Michele Baci: 21:43

I was here. It's

Joseph: 21:45

it is a full dumpster full of carpet and stuff.

Michele Baci: 21:50

We'll add it to the errands list how to get a dumpster. And when is the best time to get a dumpster. Now we also painted so much and had to jump out the paint bucket like we're renting the brush brushes. And now our driveway and our house and our lawn is a little bit red.

Joseph: 22:11

Yeah, somebody splashed paint onto the house when dumping.

Michele Baci: 22:17

It could have been both of us. But it's probably Yeah,

Joseph: 22:19

but that's fine. So power washers are for. And I was just concerned about getting in on your car and instead of just reached our house and I said I would much rather you get it on my cheap ass car than for a new house we just bought.

Michele Baci: 22:34

Well, we're not going to keep it as color forever, right?

Joseph: 22:37

It doesn't matter.

Michele Baci: 22:39

Yeah, it was just funny. Because as much as we did a good job painting, there's some like cleanup parts were like we don't know how to clean up this

Joseph: 22:47

part wasn't that we don't know how to clean up this part as just like, in the time crunch that we had we kind of just left the cleaning outside. There's such a time crunch. It's just a mess outside. We painted three rooms and today.

Michele Baci: 23:05

Which is insane. But

Joseph: 23:06

it looks never again. Amazing.

Michele Baci: 23:09

It does. But next time we double the amount of time and we travel well ahead of time because we were preparing day of

Joseph: 23:20

Well, that's how this whole entire process has felt.

Michele Baci: 23:24

Right. Well, we could take steps to fix that.

Joseph: 23:27

For the future. Maybe Yeah, we have to have a good idea.

Michele Baci: 23:31

We have to otherwise I will be running away screaming into the woods.

Joseph: 23:36

Okay. I'll keep that noted.

Michele Baci: 23:43

But yeah, I feel like this is a good talk. Anything you'd like to share with the listeners anything you'd like to promote? Joseph.

Joseph: 23:51

I would like to promote Michelle's comedy. It's great. You should go out and see her request heard all of the stablishment in California.

Michele Baci: 24:03

She's now doing in person events in Los Angeles. That's me. I'm talking with her person.

Joseph: 24:08

Yeah, that's great. Keep going.

Michele Baci: 24:11

Thank you can follow me at Michelle Bochy, comedy on Instagram Michelle with one l or at Michelle Bochy on Twitter. Yeah, there

Joseph: 24:19

you go. Thanks, Joe. Follow me.

Michele Baci: 24:25

You'll just say you'll hear the stories through me and the podcast, I

Joseph: 24:28

guess.

Michele Baci: 24:30

Well, I appreciate you. Thank you for doing this.

Joseph: 24:34

You're very welcome.

Michele Baci: 24:36

Have a great evening.

Joseph: 24:38

You say like you're leaving.

Michele Baci: 24:42

Well, the podcast is ending.

Joseph: 24:44

Okay.

Michele Baci: 24:47

I was gonna run into the woods screaming and changing my name. Is that okay? There

Joseph: 24:51

are no Woods here. So good luck.

Michele Baci: 24:55

Okay, well, I gotta do some googling. I'm gonna wrap this up. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye. Hey, I want to thank you personally for listening to the podcast. This has been Therapy Roulette, where I give you consent to vent. I would love to keep making episodes and putting out this podcast into the world. And in order to do that, people have to find out about it and they have to listen. So please leave a review. If you have 10 seconds to spare, reviews go a long way. Any app, any place on the internet, please leave a good review. Please tell your friends about the podcast. You could explain it, say it's about an honest mental health conversation. It's a little bit funny. It's a little bit deprecating, or don't explain it at all. And just send them an airdrop link and boom, they have it in their phone. Thank you so much for listening. I will be back with a new episode. Not next Thursday but the following Thursday.

Theme Song: 25:55

Therapy Roulette Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you dont have problems, then youre likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist/ (Whos not me)